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Writing Samples
Band 5

People are now living in a “throwaway society” where things are used for a short period of time and then thrown away. What are the causes of this and what problems does it cause?

It is true that using products for a short
time
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 is caused by modern
people
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 living in a throwaway society. There are two
causes
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 behind
this
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 phenomenon , and I believe
this
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 has caused spending money and environmental pollution. There are two
causes
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 of what
people
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 can throw away despite
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 use for a short
time
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.
Firstly
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, advanced technologies lead
people
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 to grow using social media. To explain, if they use social media, not only will they be unable to satisfy ordinary stimuli as electronic devices emit dangerous hormones
such
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 as dopamine, but they can
also
Linking Words
 think that appearance is important.
Thus
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, they can throw away stuff in spite of using it for a short
time
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.
In addition
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, technological progress makes it possible for them to gain convenience.
For example
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, they can purchase what they want to,using online platforms
such
Linking Words
 as
amazon
Capitalize word
Amazon
show examples
 and
google
Capitalize word
Google
show examples
, which allow them to throw away easily. The above-mentioned
causes
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 bring both
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
show examples
 and social problems. First of all, environmental pollution is caused by
people
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 who throw away their subjects easily. In detail, the more
people
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 throw away their products for a short
time
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, the more it is for producers to sell many commodities, which burn
the
Correct article usage
apply
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garbage, emitting
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fossil fuels and greenhouse.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 drives governments and individuals to spend money. To explain, throwing away their products, they will buy substitutes.
Also
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,
government
Add an article
the government
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 will provide funds that can burn by-products;
as a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
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 they don’t have enough money
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
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To sum up
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, the main
causes
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 are
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
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 use of social media and convenience
due to
Linking Words
development
Correct article usage
the development
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 of technologies, which have a negative influence on
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 and economy on both social and individual
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
.

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writing skill
Work on improving sentence structure to ensure clarity. Some sentences are a bit difficult to follow because of awkward phrasing. For instance, try to break down complex sentences into simpler ones, and maintain subject-verb agreement.
content development
Provide more specific examples to support your points. While you mention online platforms like Amazon, further details or varied examples could make your points stronger.
content development
Expand on the discussion of environmental and economic impacts with more detailed analysis. While the points are identified, delving deeper into why these impacts are significant could enhance understanding.
organization
Your introduction clearly presents the main topic and your stance, setting a good direction for the essay.
content comprehension
You successfully identify the key causes and effects related to the 'throwaway society,' which shows a good understanding of the topic.
organization
The essay has a good conclusion that sums up the main ideas clearly and effectively, providing a strong end to your argument.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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