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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Today parents spend little free time with their children. Why is it the case? Who are more affected: parents or children?

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In contemporary times,
parents
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 are observed to have little free
time
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 to spend with their
children
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.
This
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 phenomenon is a matter of concern as it can have significant implications for the well-being of both
parents
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 and
children
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.
This
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 essay aims to explore the reasons behind
this
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trend
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 and its impact on
parents
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 and
children
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. One of the primary reasons for
this
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trend
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 is the changing nature of
work
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. In the present scenario, most
parents
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 have to
work
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 for long hours to make ends meet. They have to juggle between their professional commitments and household chores, leaving them with little
time
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 to spend with their
children
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.
Moreover
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, technological advancements and the rise of the gig economy have led to an increase in flexible working hours, which often means that
parents
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 are expected to be available for
work
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 outside of their regular working hours.
This
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further
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 exacerbates the problem of
parents
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 not having enough
time
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 to spend with their
children
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. The impact of
this
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trend
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 is felt by both
parents
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 and
children
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.
Parents
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 often feel guilty about not being able to spend quality
time
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 with their
children
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. They may
also
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 experience stress and burnout
due to
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 their hectic schedules, which can negatively affect their mental and physical health.
On the other hand
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,
children
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 may feel neglected and unimportant, leading to emotional and behavioural problems.
Children
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 who do not receive enough attention from their
parents
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 may struggle with issues
such
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 as low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression. In conclusion, the
trend
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 of
parents
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 having little free
time
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 to spend with their
children
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 can be attributed to various factors
such
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 as changing
work
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 patterns and technological advancements. Both
parents
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 and
children
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 are affected by
this
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trend
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, with
parents
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 experiencing stress and guilt and
children
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 feeling neglected. It is essential for policymakers and employers to recognize the importance of
work
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-life balance and create policies that support it.
Parents
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 prioritize spending quality
time
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 with their
children
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, as it can have a positive impact on their
overall
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 well-being.

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task achievement
Consider including specific examples or data to better illustrate your arguments about how this trend affects parents and children differently.
task achievement
Ensure all points are fully developed to achieve a comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied cohesive devices to improve flow between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The essay opens with a clear introduction to the topic and provides a detailed conclusion that ties back to the main points.
task achievement
The essay effectively discusses both the reasons for the trend and its impacts on parents and children.
coherence cohesion
Logical flow of arguments and ideas are evident throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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