IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Several studies have shown that using a laptop every day could affect the minds of children.
These researches
Fix the agreement mistake
This research
show examples
 might be positive or negative, depending on what people believe. In
this
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 essay, I try to convince you that the
use
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 of
computers
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 is good for kids and how they can
use
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 them.
Firstly
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, I can say that
computers
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 are important for everyday
use
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, not only for adults but
also
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 for children, because right now you can download information used for learning.
For example
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, in Australia, in primary schools, most of these don't have books,
however
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, they opt for
computers
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.
Therefore
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, they have all the materials in a laptop without carrying more weight on their shoulders. Indeed, I think that it is a benefit to know how to
use
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 these devices without being taught how to do it.
Furthermore
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, society nowadays is known as a technological society, and the whole community has to learn how to interact with new technologies and no one has to be left in the past.
Nevertheless
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, the everyday
use
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 of
computers
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 could bring some negative effects. One of these could be the loss of the capacity to think without an electrical device, which could
also
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 affect the brains of children.
For instance
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, in Italy, more kids
use
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 technology, but they don't know how to write with a pen
due to
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 the fact that they only type on the computer. In conclusion, having an electrical device is fundamental for nowadays living and without these, they cannot grow and live.
In addition
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, it could bring new ideas to society, because they are the new generation.

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task achievement
Develop your introduction further by clearly stating your opinion in one sentence to guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Try to create a more logical progression of ideas within your paragraphs. For example, relate the discussion of technology in education directly to its effects before moving on to potential negatives.
task achievement
Add more specific examples or data to support your arguments, particularly regarding the positive impacts of computers on children's learning.
task achievement
You provide a clear opinion in your thesis statement, which sets a direction for your essay.
task achievement
Your essay touches on both sides of the argument, making it balanced and providing depth to your analysis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Screen time
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Physical inactivity
  • Cognitive development
  • Internet addiction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Inappropriate content
  • Digital literacy
  • Virtual learning environments
  • Parental controls
  • Moderation
  • Online safety
  • Tech-savvy
  • E-learning
  • Information technology
  • Eye strain
  • Social skills
  • Multitasking
  • Interactive education
  • Health repercussions
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