One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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One of the effects of developed medical care is that individuals can live a longer life,

thus

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increasing life expectancy. Personally, I think

this

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improvement is not benefiting the society. Rather, it can lead to several financial

problems

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because most of the healthcare provided nowadays is supported financially by the nation.

Furthermore

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, fewer deaths mean that the

population

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can grow significantly until it reaches a state of overpopulation. Better healthcare is usually supported by the subsidy from the

government

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thus

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weighing them with more financial

problems

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. Better medical services often need advanced infrastructures and raw material supplies, which are very likely to be provided by the

government

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However

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, its revenue cannot outweigh the cost of it, creating a massive loss of money.

For instance

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, the Indonesian

government

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released an official statement that they have been spending trillions of rupiahs to subsidize the treatment of diabetic patients by providing them with the right medicines and cures.

Although

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the number of deaths caused by diabetes has decreased, it is not worth the huge amount of money spent.

Moreover

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, the advancement of medical services may cause overpopulation because of the low level of mortality it creates. If more people can grow older than in previous times, the

population

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will increase rapidly and may result in several social issues,

such

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as a rocketing poverty level.

For example

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, with the better healthcare provided by the Bogor’s

government

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in Indonesia, people who died

due to

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diseases or nutritional

problems

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have fallen recently.

Nevertheless

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, the

population

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actually rose gradually since the

last

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decade. In conclusion, improvements in medical care are not benefiting the people significantly because they

also

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produce financial

problems

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for the country and cause the

population

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to explode in numbers.

muhammadraditya9Thu Oct 24 2024

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coherence and cohesion

To enhance clarity, ensure that the main ideas are distinctly separated and each paragraph conveys a single point. This can help in maintaining a logical flow throughout the essay.

task response

Some of the arguments, such as the financial issues due to government subsidies, could be expanded with more detailed examples or comparisons to strengthen your points.

task response

Consider addressing potential counterarguments to provide a more balanced view, enhancing the depth of your analysis.

coherence and cohesion

The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion on the topic.

task response

Relevant examples, such as the Indonesian government's expenditure on diabetic patients, help support your arguments effectively.

coherence and cohesion

You maintain a consistent argument throughout the essay, which aids in delivering a focused response to the task.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

285 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

life expectancy
elderly population
health care systems
pension funds
extended family relationships
quality of life
aging population
economic growth
volunteer work
expertise
financial planning
retirement
age-related diseases
medical research
healthier lifestyles

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One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In the past, most people used to travel to their place of work. With increased use of computers, the Internet and smartphones, more and more people are starting to work from home. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?

In some countries, most people prefer to rent their homes rather than buying them. What are the advantages and disadvantages of renting a home?

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to become successful career. While others believe that it is better to get a job staight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some says that music, art and drama are important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

In many cities around the world pollution levels have risen in recent years. Why are some cities becoming more polluted? What effects does this have? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.