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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that children should be taught to competitive in school. Others however, think cooperation and team working skills are more important. Discuss both views/sides/points.

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
In the world some people think
about
Change preposition
that
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 should be
thaught
Correct your spelling
taught
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 competitive
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
. others think
cooperation
Use synonyms
 and
team
Use synonyms
 working
skills
Use synonyms
 are more important them.
this
Linking Words
 argument is very
usfull
Correct your spelling
useful
.
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 am going to explain about both
views points
Correct your spelling
viewpoints
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
firstly
Linking Words
, In the
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
 some
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 education has
examine
Change the verb form
examined
show examples
 competitive
skills
Use synonyms
 from students.
beacause
Correct your spelling
Because
 they
are expect
Change the verb form
are expected
are expecting
show examples
compertitive
Correct your spelling
competitive
knowladge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 is
usfull
Correct your spelling
useful
 for
win
Change the verb form
winning
show examples
 the world economic markets and many companies are intent to the
work
Use synonyms
 competitive persons.
for
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 some companies are doing
enterns
Correct your spelling
interns
enters
exam
Fix the agreement mistake
exams
show examples
 to enter the
work
Use synonyms
inteligent
Correct your spelling
intelligence
 test
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 workers.so when will teach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Add an article
the student
a student
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 they can
will
Remove a modal verb
apply
show examples
get
this
Linking Words
knowlagde
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 and face the all
inteligent
Correct your spelling
intelligent
intelligence
 test
easly
Correct your spelling
easily
.
Body paragraph 2
moreover
Linking Words
, some people
blieve
Correct your spelling
believe
cooperation
Use synonyms
 and
team
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
works
Change the verb form
work
show examples
skills
Use synonyms
 are very
importent
Correct your spelling
important
 for
school
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
. we have to consider
this
Linking Words
poit
Correct your spelling
point
post
 of
viwe
Correct your spelling
view
.
children
Use synonyms
 have to
inhance
Correct your spelling
enhance
Use synonyms
team
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 and
cooperation
Use synonyms
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 reason for if they have grt in
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
skils
Correct your spelling
skills
show examples
whom
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can
sholve
Correct your spelling
solve
 many
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
show examples
 and they can involve innovetive and
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
knowleged
Correct your spelling
knowledge
.Nowadays many innovations invent group and
team
Use synonyms
wokes
Correct your spelling
works
. some country has in
this
Linking Words
curriculam
Correct your spelling
curriculum
 to
taach
Correct your spelling
teach
 to
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
.
for
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
sri
Change the capitalization
Sri
show examples
 lanka has
this
Linking Words
curriculam
Correct your spelling
curriculum
 to improve
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
coopretion
Correct your spelling
cooperation
 and
team
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
works
Change the verb form
work
show examples
.
Conclusion
In
my
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
conculution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
consultation
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
skills
Use synonyms
 are very important for
school
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 because
school
Use synonyms
childrent
Correct your spelling
children
 will be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
futur
Correct your spelling
future
 knowlager and
leader
Fix the agreement mistake
leaders
show examples
 so we have to teach them
intelligent
Replace the word
intelligence
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
team
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
works
Use synonyms
. when will they do some
work
Use synonyms
 in
Correct article usage
the futur
show examples
futur
Correct your spelling
future
whom
Change the pronoun
who
show examples
 have
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both
skills
Use synonyms
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
for example
Linking Words
, when
children
Use synonyms
invetnt
Correct your spelling
invent
 anything they
have
Add the particle
have to
show examples
 get competitive
knowleged
Correct your spelling
knowledge
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
cooperation
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
team
Correct article usage
the team
show examples
Use synonyms
works
Change the verb form
work
show examples
 well. so both
skills
Use synonyms
 are must important
Use synonyms
school
Change preposition
for school
show examples
childrent
Correct your spelling
children
.

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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, organize your essay with clear paragraphs dedicated to each viewpoint. Ensure that each paragraph flows logically to the next.
task achievement
Make sure to elaborate more on each side of the argument, providing detailed explanations and more specific examples where possible.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure for clarity.
task achievement
You have introduced both sides of the argument in the introduction, which sets the stage for your discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a conclusion that encapsulates both viewpoints, showing an understanding of the topic's complexity.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • resilience
  • work ethic
  • self-motivation
  • goal-setting
  • interpersonal relationships
  • conflict resolution
  • collaborative skills
  • problem-solving
  • group dynamics
  • balanced approach
  • incentivize
  • workforce
  • healthy competition
  • strive for excellence
  • accolades
  • reward system
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