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Band 7.5

Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all schools subjects .But other Believe that teenagers should focus on the subject that they are best at or they find the most interest .Discuss both views and give an opinion.

#people #teenagers #schools #subjects #focus #interest
The school provides a complex understanding of the world.
Therefore
, many people claim that students should concentrate on all
subjects
 that it has.
However
, recently, there have been
also
 some voices that the focus of teenagers should be put on the
fields
 of
study
 they are most interested in.
While
 each of these views has both pros and cons, I believe that it is better to specialize
in particular
subjects
, rather than all of them. There have been many significant advantages of focusing on only a few
fields
 of
study
. First and foremost,
such
 an approach gives an opportunity to be the best at some topics. If you get rid of
subjects
 you are not keen on, it is easier to gain a wider knowledge of those you find more attractive,
hence
, you will easily become a specialist in them.
Furthermore
, a limitation of the number of classes may contribute to a reduction in stress. Students often feel overwhelmed by the amount of topics they have to be familiar with in order to get a good mark;
consequently
, if they didn't have to learn some of them, they would not feel
such
 pressure.
On the other hand
, the benefits of concentrating on all school
subjects
 have been
also
 presented. The most relevant of them is complex knowledge. If you get to know at least a little bit about all
fields
 of
study
, your
overall
 understanding of the world will increase,
therefore
, you find it easier to talk about many topics.
In addition
, being familiar with many school
subjects
 gives you an opportunity to choose your future career. Since you tried many
fields
 of
study
, it is easier for you to decide which one of them is suitable for you. In conclusion, the advantages of both approaches are observed. Concentrating on only a few
fields
 of
study
 makes you an expert in them and can have a positive impact on your mood, which in my opinion is more beneficial.
In contrast
, complex knowledge enables you to make a wise choice for your future career, and in general, makes you more aware of the world.
Submitted by kuba.glogowski on

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task achievement
Make sure to include more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Providing concrete examples can make your essay more persuasive and help illustrate your points more clearly.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is generally coherent, further refinement in transitioning between ideas could enhance the fluidity and coherence of your argument. Consider using more diverse linking phrases to connect different sections smoothly.
task achievement
Your essay provides a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, and the structure is logical and easy to follow. The introduction and conclusion are clear and concise, providing a solid framework for your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are well-supported and clearly articulated, making your arguments convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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