In many countries parents worry about the amount of time their children spend watching TV and using the internet. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
In numerous
countries
Add a comma
countries,
parents
are afraid of how often their children use TV or the Internet
.
There are a lot of reasons for that. For instance
, nowadays people need to work more than in the past to make a living. Therefore
, in order to relax after hard work, they tend to allow their kids
to use phones unmonitored or turn on some series on TV. Minors get used to such
an attitude and don’t want to do anything except binge-watching cartoons. In addition
, our world develops dramatically, so even schools and kindergartens use educating
materials on the Replace the word
educational
Internet
. Consequently
, when they get older, it is hard for them to chat with others in real life and make new friendships. As a result
, they may prefer social media to real communication.
First of all, to tackle this
problem, parents
ought to spend more time with their kids
. For example
, they can engage in different outdoor activities together. There are kindergartens where both parents
and offspring can immerse themselves in nature, which can not only decrease the amount of time spent on the Internet
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
develop vital survival skills. Moreover
, usually
youths spend a longer period using the Add a comma
usually,
Internet
when they don’t have anything to do. So, Fathers and mothers should help their kids
find new hobbies, such
as sports, reading, dancing or singing.
To conclude
, although
in modern life an
issue of children using their gadgets too much is Correct article usage
the
significant
issue because of a list of factors, like Add an article
a significant
rapid
advancement of technologies or Correct article usage
the rapid
parents
not having enough time, there a
few simple solutions, Add a missing verb
are a
for instance
finding new hobbies for kids
.Submitted by leshchynser on
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task achievement
Consider elaborating on how schools using educational materials online contributes to children spending excessive time on the internet. This could strengthen your argument with clearer connections.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or case studies that illustrate the points you're making. This will enhance the relevance and depth of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that sums up the main point before you delve into details. This will help improve the logical structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
You've done well to include an introduction and a conclusion, ensuring your essay has a clear beginning and end, which helps with overall coherence.
task achievement
You've identified some causes and solutions to the problem, directly addressing all parts of the task.
task achievement
The advice to parents on possible solutions was practical and included multiple interesting suggestions, which shows clear thinking and relevance.
Your opinion
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If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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