IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Making smoking illegal is the best way to protect people from the harmful effects of tobacco. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?

Smoking
became
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 very common among
people
Use synonyms
.The governments try to prevent it in many ways.Smoking should be illegal because it has many
disadvantes
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
.In my opinion,I think smoking
destroy
Correct subject-verb agreement
destroys
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health.It causes many dangerous diseases like heart and cancer.It must be illegal for many reasons.I will highlight some of these reasons
bellow
Correct your spelling
below
show examples
. Smoking is one of the main
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
death.Many
people
Use synonyms
 who
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
smoke face many problems in their mood and health.It is a real problem.I
convinced
Add a missing verb
am convinced
show examples
,Society
Correct your spelling
that society
 and government should work together to find solutions because it causes many
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
 problems.
For instance
Linking Words
,heart
diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
show examples
,cancer and so on.It
make
Verb problem
puts
show examples
 the person in a bad mood. There are many effective solutions
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 reduce the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who
smoking
Change the form of the verb
smoke
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,they should learn the harmfulness of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smoking at school.They show them a real video about smoking
people
Use synonyms
 before and After.The students will notice the differences.
In addition
Linking Words
,making lectures in university about smoking and
advice
Replace the word
advise
show examples
 students .
Also
Linking Words
,families are responsible
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their children.They must follow
Add an article
the behavior
show examples
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 of their children and talk with them about the negative side of smoking to protect the children and young
people
Use synonyms
 . In conclusion,Smoking effect negatively
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
people
Use synonyms
.countries must make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strict
law
Fix the agreement mistake
laws
show examples
 to prevent
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smoking to protect their citizens.There are many
people
Use synonyms
 did not know the affective of smoking.
nations
Capitalize word
Nations
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
society and
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 should try to fight
these problem
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
show examples
 because it will
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
new generations and they will not be healthy.

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coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical structure by organizing your ideas into clear paragraphs with topic sentences.
task achievement
Use specific examples and evidence to strengthen your arguments about the harms of smoking.
coherence cohesion
Good introduction and conclusion present, forming a sense of completeness.
task achievement
You have clearly expressed the argument that smoking has many disadvantages, fulfilling the task requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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