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Band 6

Being a celebrity, such as a famous film star or sports personality, brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

#celebrity #film #star #sports #personality
Some people believe that being a
celebrity
,
such
 as a famous movie star or sportsperson has both benefits are drawbacks. I personally believe that
although
celebrities
 earn a lot of money, being a
celebrity
 brings
much
Correct quantifier usage
more
show examples
 problems than benefits because it hinders their privacy.
Celebrities
,
such
 as movie stars or sports persons earn a significant amount of money in their professions. Their earnings allow them to lead a lavish lifestyle. They can enjoy their whole
lives
 with their huge earnings and do not worry about the shortage of money. They purchase whatever they wish, and they lead
lives
according to
 their choices.
For example
, the famous rockstar Bili Jen earns around 1 billion dollars in a year, which allows him to have at least 30 luxurious cars in his garage.
However
, I personally believe that earning a lot is not always satisfactory if someone has to compromise their privacy. Being famous hinders the private
lives
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
celebrities
. Media and their fan followers always follow them and try to have a glimpse of them.
Celebrities
 cannot lead the
lives
 of their own because whatever they do gets published.
As a result
, they cannot go to public places without bodyguards, and cannot walk in the street like the general people.
For example
, Mushfique Rahim, a famous cricketer from Bangladesh has said that after
being
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
 a
celebrity
 he always misses his
past
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
time of walking on the street without a bodyguard.
Therefore
, I believe that being a
celebrity
 hinders the privacy of them. In conclusion,
although
celebrities
 earn a lot, I believe that being a
celebrity
 brings more drawbacks than benefits because it affects their private
lives
.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
Try to balance the discussion of both benefits and problems of being a celebrity to meet the 'balanced argument' aspect of the task response criteria.
coherence cohesion
Enhance clarity by making sure each paragraph centers on one main idea and is clearly linked back to the central thesis.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and a well-rounded conclusion that states your position.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as references to famous personalities, to support your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Public scrutiny
  • Intrusive
  • Endorsements
  • Sponsorships
  • Financial security
  • High-profile collaborations
  • Social influence
  • Philanthropic efforts
  • Trust issues
  • Mental health challenges
  • Substance abuse
  • Pressures of celebrity
  • Expectations
  • Disconnect from reality
  • Normalcy
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