IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks or sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, many new towns are being built because of the growing population. Some
people
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 believe that governments should build more public
parks
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 and
sports
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facilities
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 than shopping
centres
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. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion because these
places
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 improve
people
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's health and make communities more attractive.
Firstly
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,
parks
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 and
sports
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facilities
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 help
people
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 live healthier lives. Many
people
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 spend most of their day sitting at work or studying, so they need
places
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 where they can exercise or relax. Public
parks
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 are suitable for walking, running and spending time outdoors,
while
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sports
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centres
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 give
people
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 the opportunity to play football, basketball or go to the gym.
As a result
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,
people
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 can improve their physical and mental health without spending a lot of money.
Secondly
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, public recreational areas help bring
people
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 together. Families can spend weekends in
parks
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, children can play with their friends, and neighbours can meet and communicate with each other.
Sports
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facilities
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also
Linking Words
 encourage teamwork and help
people
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 make new friends.
This
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 creates a stronger sense of community, which is especially important in newly developed towns where
people
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 may not know each other.
However
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, shopping
centres
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 are
also
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 necessary because they provide jobs and give
people
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 access to shops, restaurants and entertainment. They are convenient for daily life and can become popular
places
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 to meet friends.
Nevertheless
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, if a town has too many shopping
centres
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 and not enough green spaces,
people
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 may have fewer opportunities to enjoy healthy outdoor activities. In conclusion, I believe that public
parks
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 and
sports
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facilities
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 should be given higher priority than shopping
centres
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 when planning new towns. They improve
people
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's health, encourage social interaction and make cities more pleasant
places
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 to live.

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task response
For task response, add one more clear example. This will make your ideas stronger and more full.
task response
For task response, explain your other side a little more, then show more clearly why you still agree.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, use a few more linking words between ideas, but keep them natural.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make one paragraph a little more developed with one extra supporting sentence.
task response
You answer the question clearly and you give your opinion from the start.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are in a logical order and easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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