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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, the difference in age between parents and children is generally greater than it was in the past. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #difference #age #parents #children
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The
age
 of
parents
 who have
children
 has been older these days.
As a result
, the gap
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 between
parents
 and
children
 becomes greater than ever before. In
this
 essay, I elaborate on the reasons why I think its drawbacks far prevail over the benefits.  The primary demerit is that the risk of
children
 having genetic disorders becomes higher as
mother's
Correct article usage
the mother's
show examples
age
 grows.
For instance
, among babies who are born from mothers of 35 years old and above, the risk of being diagnosed with Down's syndrome is higher than babies born from younger mothers.
Therefore
, if
parents
 want to have their
children
, they should consider their
age
.
Additionally
, it is disadvantageous in terms of
parent's
Correct article usage
the parent's
show examples
 physical strength. Since they need corporal strength to raise
children
,
parents
 who have them
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their later life are inclined to feel tired more easily because of their
age
.
In contrast
, younger
parents
 can usually hang out with their
children
 as much as they want to do so.
However
, there are
also
 some benefits to the phenomenon where
parents
 have
children
 
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their later life. One of them is that they can allocate more money to parenting. As they work for many years, they will be more stable financially.
Consequently
, they will be less bothered to make their livelihoods when they have a child, and they will provide them with a decent education more easily.  In conclusion, I strongly believe that having
children
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their later life brings more negatives than positives.
Although
 there are merits
such
 as their financial stability, it is more disadvantageous
as for
Change preposition
because of
show examples
 a higher risk of having a child with genetic disorders and
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
waning physical strength which is necessary to foster
children
.
Submitted by takuya13sugimoto on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph progresses smoothly into the next. You might want to use more linking words to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will strengthen the arguments you are making.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly sets up the topic and your stance on the issue.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced view by acknowledging both advantages and disadvantages, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • generation gap
  • intergenerational
  • fulfilling
  • complications
  • stigma
  • judgment
  • advancing age
  • life experience
  • wisdom
  • financial stability
  • opportunity
  • patience
  • maturity
  • relationships
  • communication
  • physical energy
  • social
  • learning
  • understanding
  • age difference
  • older parents
  • risk
  • challenges
  • young children
  • society
  • quality time
  • grandchildren
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