In some countries, the difference in age between parents and children is generally greater than it was in the past. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

The
age
of
parents
who have
children
has been older these days.
As a result
, the gap
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
between
parents
and
children
becomes greater than ever before. In
this
essay, I elaborate on the reasons why I think its drawbacks far prevail over the benefits.  The primary demerit is that the risk of
children
having genetic disorders becomes higher as
mother's
Correct article usage
the mother's
show examples
age
grows.
For instance
, among babies who are born from mothers of 35 years old and above, the risk of being diagnosed with Down's syndrome is higher than babies born from younger mothers.
Therefore
, if
parents
want to have their
children
, they should consider their
age
.
Additionally
, it is disadvantageous in terms of
parent's
Correct article usage
the parent's
show examples
physical strength. Since they need corporal strength to raise
children
,
parents
who have them
at
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in
show examples
their later life are inclined to feel tired more easily because of their
age
.
In contrast
, younger
parents
can usually hang out with their
children
as much as they want to do so.
However
, there are
also
some benefits to the phenomenon where
parents
have
children
 
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
their later life. One of them is that they can allocate more money to parenting. As they work for many years, they will be more stable financially.
Consequently
, they will be less bothered to make their livelihoods when they have a child, and they will provide them with a decent education more easily.  In conclusion, I strongly believe that having
children
at
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in
show examples
their later life brings more negatives than positives.
Although
there are merits
such
as their financial stability, it is more disadvantageous
as for
Change preposition
because of
show examples
a higher risk of having a child with genetic disorders and
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
waning physical strength which is necessary to foster
children
.
Submitted by takuya13sugimoto on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph progresses smoothly into the next. You might want to use more linking words to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will strengthen the arguments you are making.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly sets up the topic and your stance on the issue.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced view by acknowledging both advantages and disadvantages, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • generation gap
  • intergenerational
  • fulfilling
  • complications
  • stigma
  • judgment
  • advancing age
  • life experience
  • wisdom
  • financial stability
  • opportunity
  • patience
  • maturity
  • relationships
  • communication
  • physical energy
  • social
  • learning
  • understanding
  • age difference
  • older parents
  • risk
  • challenges
  • young children
  • society
  • quality time
  • grandchildren
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