IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot money. Others disagree and think a good salary leads to a better life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, many citizens discuss that a
job
Use synonyms
 should be liked by workers rather than have more money. Others do not prefer that point of view and prosecute the opposite idea that good payment leads to a more enjoyable life.
This
Linking Words
 essay will disagree with the first statement because a high salary presents more opportunities and circumstances for individuals and their closes, even though the like work can be more suitable, it can need more time and be less paid. In terms of precipitation, an enjoyable
job
Use synonyms
 can be great because you do not take as much stress as on a
highly-paid
Correct your spelling
highly paid
show examples
job
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the favourite work can be unreliable in society, so folk can take less money. In consequence, they won't have the comfort and agility of a high-salary
job
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, my uncle was an artist and every day he drew many pictures,
however
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, the
job
Use synonyms
 hurt him because all his earned money went fast. He always bought different extra things
such
Linking Words
 as colours and paper, so he was frustrated by a lack of basic products.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the highly paid work opens new roads and opportunities for
people
Use synonyms
. Individuals can live in good conditions and help other
people
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 by donating.
For instance
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, many millionaires support different organisations that help to fight poverty and other negative factors. Notably, some research found that
people
Use synonyms
 who donate at least ones in a month have less stress and anxiety in their personal lives. In conclusion, a good salary sometimes can lead to prosperity for more
people
Use synonyms
 than a
likable
Change the spelling
likeable
show examples
 profession. Despite
this
Linking Words
 fact, it has a good point in the aspect of happiness.

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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your points, particularly in the introduction. It should lay a clearer foundation for your viewpoint and the progression of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing your logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will improve the overall coherence of your response.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and effectively encapsulate the main ideas discussed in your essay.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples that illustrate your points, which strengthens your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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