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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that it is more effective for students to study in a group, while others believe that it is better for them to study alone. Discuss both views and give your opinions

#people #students #study #group
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Some would argue that
Use synonyms
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 in a group is the best option,
while
Linking Words
 others prefer to
study
Use synonyms
 alone.
Whereas
Linking Words
, I without
hesitaion
Correct your spelling
hesitation
 agree that
study
Use synonyms
 by myself is the best option here. On the one hand,
Use synonyms
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a class
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 a person learn to respect
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
show examples
 opinions and their positions.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a lot of kids will not become
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
selfish in the future with
this
Linking Words
 method. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they already contacted with
people
Use synonyms
 and at least they have
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 experience.
For example
Linking Words
, scientists found and approved that most selfish
people
Use synonyms
 did not
study
Use synonyms
 or did not go to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
kindergarten.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a crowd of
people
Use synonyms
 who
succesfully
Correct your spelling
successfully
 finished their school with a high band are
people
Use synonyms
, who studied in a school with a class as others.
However
Linking Words
, if we look
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the statistics, most genius
people
Use synonyms
studied
Wrong verb form
study
show examples
 alone by
theyself
Correct your spelling
themselves
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, someone will be
embarassed
Correct your spelling
embarrassed
 to ask
Use synonyms
topic
Correct article usage
a topic
show examples
 which he
did
Wrong verb form
does
show examples
 not understand
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fully. There are some possibilities that he will get
bullying
Replace the word
bullied
show examples
 or
a mocking
Replace the word
mocked
show examples
 by his group. So, if he
Use synonyms
study
Change the verb form
studies
show examples
 alone there is no one who will make a joke.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if he
did
Wrong verb form
does
show examples
 not get some solution way or
topic
Use synonyms
, he can ask it without hesitation and fear.
For instance
Linking Words
, I always repeated
Use synonyms
topic
Fix the agreement mistake
topics
show examples
 which I already studied at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 I am
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 person who can not learn some
Use synonyms
topic
Fix the agreement mistake
topics
show examples
instant
Change the adjective
instantly
show examples
.
Obviously
Add a comma
Obviously,
show examples
 I could ask to teacher
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 teach again,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
 once I did it and got
mocking
Wrong verb form
mocked
show examples
. Since I never asked again.
Besides
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 me, there
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
crowd of
studentss
Correct your spelling
students
as
Change preposition
like
show examples
 me, who find a
challenge
Replace the word
challenging
show examples
 to ask something. Taking everything mentioned into account, I believe that
study
Use synonyms
 alone is the best variant here
due to
Linking Words
personalities
Correct article usage
the personalities
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by bizhanalikhan6 on

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Structure
Review the structure of your essay to ensure that it follows a logical flow, with clear connections between ideas. Consider using transition words to improve the flow.
Development
Your main points are present, but some arguments could be developed further to provide a thorough analysis of both views. Try to expand your ideas with more detailed explanations.
Examples
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will help to illustrate your points more clearly and convincingly.
Balance
Your essay presents both views effectively and attempts to balance them before presenting your own opinion.
Clarity
The introduction and conclusion are clear, offering a coherent start and finish to your discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • collaborative learning
  • peer feedback
  • social interaction
  • deep understanding
  • group dynamics
  • personalized learning
  • self-discipline
  • concentration
  • diverse perspectives
  • isolation
  • motivation
  • peer support
  • groupthink
  • distractions
  • commitment
What to do next:
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