IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #university #students #study #subjects #future #science #technology
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued that, in tertiary education,
students
Use synonyms
 should be oriented towards subjects that teach future skills,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that it is in the best interest of the
students
Use synonyms
 to study the subjects they are interested in.
Although
Linking Words
 restricting
students
Use synonyms
 to enrol only in science- and technology-related majors would enable them to be well-prepared for future jobs, I believe that giving them the
freedom
Use synonyms
 to select any
courses
Use synonyms
 they are passionate about would be more practical as it allows them to explore and learn about the subjects effectively. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that it is beneficial when
students
Use synonyms
 are enrolled in
courses
Use synonyms
 that teach them future-ready skills because doing so can help them prepare for their employment. It is predicted that there will be a huge demand for labour forces that are fully skilled in science and technology as the age of artificial intelligence is developing rapidly.
That is
Linking Words
 why many countries have implemented numerous policies to attract
students
Use synonyms
 to study in
such
Linking Words
 fields.
For example
Linking Words
, many universities in Australia have been offering scholarships to both undergraduate and graduate
students
Use synonyms
 who select STEM as their major; not only
this
Linking Words
, those who graduated have
also
Linking Words
 been highly valued and received offers to a permanent migration pathway.
However
Linking Words
, I think that choosing a major is a matter of individuals, and limiting them to a small number of
courses
Use synonyms
 would hinder their ability to perform at their best. It is believed that tertiary
students
Use synonyms
 should be given the
freedom
Use synonyms
 to choose whatever majors they wish to pursue
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that they will be able to achieve anything they set their mind on. Passion and commitment have significant roles in pushing individuals to attain
such
Linking Words
 goals, most specifically their dream jobs.
For instance
Linking Words
, contrary to those pursuing STEM majors, Michelle Obama, a former and well-respected US first lady, chose law and managed to build her career successfully. Her primary goal, which is to help African
people
Use synonyms
 free from being oppressed, pushes her to pursue
such
Linking Words
 a degree; and
as a consequence
Linking Words
, she turned out to become one of the most influential
people
Use synonyms
 in the world.
Thus
Linking Words
, I believe that it is more important to give
people
Use synonyms
 the
freedom
Use synonyms
 to choose any subject that interests them so that they can achieve their full potential in both their academic and professional lives. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it is better to set specific
courses
Use synonyms
 for tertiary
students
Use synonyms
 to choose from since it will get them ready for their future work, I think it is more crucial that they are given the
freedom
Use synonyms
 to study anything they are fascinated about because by pursuing what is interesting to them would allow them to achieve their full potentials.
Submitted by emteeme on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay effectively covers both perspectives of the issue and presents a balanced discussion. However, consider introducing more nuanced points or counterarguments to add depth to your analysis.
coherence cohesion
While your ideas are clear and well-connected, strive to ensure that each paragraph remains tightly focused on a single aspect of the discussion to avoid potential overlaps.
task achievement
You have clearly and comprehensively addressed the task by discussing both views and providing your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion which help frame your discussion effectively.
supported main points
The use of specific examples, such as the reference to Michelle Obama, greatly strengthens your argument and adds credibility.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster
  • engagement
  • excel
  • innovative contributions
  • diversity in research
  • well-rounded education
  • broad perspectives
  • critical thinking skills
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • forced academic paths
  • job-ready
  • skills shortages
  • tech-driven economy
  • employment rates
  • changing job market
  • utilitarian subjects
  • aptitudes
  • wasting talent
What to do next:
Look at other essays: