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Band 5.5

Zoos are sometimes seen as necessary but poor alternatives to a natural environment. Discuss some of the arguments for and against keeping animals in zoos?

#zoos #alternatives #environment #arguments #animals
Zoos
 are usually regarded as
a
Correct article usage
apply
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place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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 necessary to put wild
animals
 inside.
However
, some people may see these approaches as ineffective alternatives to the natural habitats of the
animals
.
This
 essay will discuss both perspectives regarding keeping
animals
 in
zoos
. First of all, keeping endangered
animals
 in
zoos
 is important to monitor their activity and protect them from extinction. By letting the
animals
roaming
Wrong verb form
roam
show examples
 around the artificial environment in
zoos
, they are being protected from both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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wildlife and illegal hunters, preventing them
to be
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from being
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 killed and
to
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apply
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extinct.
Besides
 that, by letting them live in
zoos
, the process of mating is
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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more efficient as it can be monitored easily and remotely by using surveillance cameras.
However
, some people might disagree
to
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with
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 the idea of putting endangered
animals
 in the
zoo
 because there are some reports regarding the lack of appropriate treatment given to those
animals
 by the
zoo
 officers. Some
zoos
 are
being
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apply
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irresponsible
that
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in that
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 they
are letting
Wrong verb form
let
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 the
animals
 starve for several days and
providing
Wrong verb form
provide
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lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of hygiene
to
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in
show examples
 their habitats. Aside from the irresponsibility of the
zoos
, some visitors
also
 contribute to the lack of good treatment
such
 as when they are feeding plastic bags and soda cans to the
animals
. If
this
 continues to happen, the
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 of the
animals
 inside the
zoos
 will be threatened as their digestive system will be ruined. In conclusion, animal conservation in
zoos
 is mandatory to keep them
being
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apply
show examples
protected from the harsh wildlife.
However
,
zoo
 owners need to ensure the
animals
 are given the appropriate treatment both
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the
zoo
 officers
as well as
 the visitors.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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language
Consider using more varied sentence structures to enhance the complexity and interest of your writing.
task achievement
It may be beneficial to include more specific examples or statistics to substantiate your points, particularly regarding the benefits or drawbacks of zoos.
language
Try to integrate more sophisticated vocabulary related to conservation and animal welfare to enrich your essay.
introduction
The essay effectively introduces the topic and outlines the key perspectives to be discussed.
conclusion
Clearly stated conclusion that summarizes both sides of the argument.
logical structure
The structure of the essay is logical, with clear separation of points for and against.
cohesion
Your points are clear, and you use appropriate transitions to guide the reader through your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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