IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

ome people choose to eat no meat or fish. They believe that this is not only better for their own health but also benefits the environment as a whole. Discuss this view and give your own opinion.

Some people avoid eating
meat
Use synonyms
 or
fish
Use synonyms
 from their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. By doing that, they think it will be beneficial for both
animals
Use synonyms
 and human health. In my opinion, I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view.
However
Linking Words
, I will discuss both views in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, increasing the
vegetarian
Correct quantifier usage
number of vegetarian
show examples
 people in the world would
assisted
Change the verb form
assist
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
 to live. That means
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it will prevent poaching which can lead to an increase in the number of endangered species. A study shows that the proportion of extinct
animals
Use synonyms
 is increasing almost
each
Change the determiner
every
show examples
 month.
In addition
Linking Words
, the composition of vegetables or greens is full of healthy vitamins mostly vitamin B and vitamin C. The advantages of eating meatless dishes
prevents
Change the verb form
prevent
show examples
 skin problems,
such
Linking Words
 as acne, eczema, allergy,
Correct word choice
and cellulites
show examples
cellulites
Correct your spelling
cellulitis
cellulite
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
meat
Use synonyms
 or
fish
Use synonyms
 are an essential part of our dishes, because they can balance the immune system level in our body.
For example
Linking Words
, people who eat
meat
Use synonyms
 dishes in their
foodcan
Correct your spelling
food can
 have
stronger
Add an article
a stronger
show examples
defense
Change the spelling
defence
show examples
 for viruses
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 flu or any kind of infectious
diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it can be unfair
not to mention
Linking Words
 the fact that
fish
Use synonyms
 consist of nutrients and minerals and it is necessary for the population to eat
this
Linking Words
 kind of food.
Consequently
Linking Words
, I suggest that it will be very harmful to society to limit themselves
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
meat
Use synonyms
 or
fish
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
meat
Use synonyms
 or
fish
Use synonyms
 is full of necessary vitamins and minerals which is good for human health.
However
Linking Words
, killing too
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
 for food will bring an increase in the amount of extinct species.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve task achievement, consider providing more specific examples and details that support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to enhance coherence and logical flow.
task achievement
Further develop your arguments to ensure clarity and depth in the response.
task achievement
The essay correctly addresses the topic by discussing both the benefits and challenges of a vegetarian diet.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, which helps in framing the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: