IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

As the internet becomes more popular, newspapers are becoming a thing of the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#internet #newspapers
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Due to
Linking Words
 the enhancement of technology, the popularity of the
newspapers
Use synonyms
 has been reduced.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with
above
Add an article
the above
show examples
 statement,
Firstly
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 the availability of
enormous
Correct article usage
an enormous
show examples
amount
Use synonyms
 of
information
Use synonyms
 and the
eco friendliness
Add a hyphen
eco-friendliness
show examples
; and
secondly
Linking Words
, the convenience of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
access
Use synonyms
 to
information
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
internet
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
newspapers
Use synonyms
 have a limited
amount
Use synonyms
 of
data
Use synonyms
 and
information
Use synonyms
 in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
print,
while
Linking Words
 the
Use synonyms
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 contains
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
amount
Use synonyms
 of
information
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in order to produce papers, which
use
Wrong verb form
are used
show examples
 to print
newspapers
Use synonyms
,
considerable
Add an article
a considerable
show examples
 number of trees
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 to be cut down, which leads to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global warming.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is obvious that using the
Use synonyms
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of printed
newspapers
Use synonyms
 is the most eco-friendly option. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instant
Replace the word
instance
show examples
, recent studies conducted by the UN
reveals
Correct subject-verb agreement
reveal
show examples
 that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the number of deforestation has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased by 12% in 2023, and one of the major
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
using the
internet
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of printed media.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technical advancement,
access
Use synonyms
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information
Use synonyms
 has become more
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
show examples
. Anyone who
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to receive news
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 can
access
Use synonyms
 the
internet
Use synonyms
 via
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 smart device
such
Linking Words
 as
laptop
Correct article usage
a laptop
show examples
,
tab
Correct your spelling
tablet
show examples
 or
smart phone
Correct your spelling
smartphone
show examples
, from anywhere in the world.
due to
Linking Words
 the elevated
data
Use synonyms
 transferring speed, people can get all the
information
Use synonyms
 they
needed
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
 in an instant. The only thing users should be
concern
Wrong verb form
concerned
show examples
 about is
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information
Use synonyms
 from reliable
data
Use synonyms
 sources
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 BBC, CNN, ABC etc...
According to
Linking Words
 recent studies of APC, the number of websites
has been exceeded
Wrong verb form
will exceed
show examples
 250 million in 2023. In conclusion, it is observed that using
internet
Use synonyms
 over the printed media
became
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 more attractive, because of the availability of
huge
Add an article
the huge
show examples
Use synonyms
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of
information
Use synonyms
,
eco- friendliness
Correct your spelling
eco-friendliness
show examples
, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
easy
access
Use synonyms
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
data
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by dmsangeeth on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure your thesis statement clearly presents the focus of your essay. While your essay agrees with the statement, clearly stating 'I fully agree that...' would make your stance stronger.
task achievement
Provide a greater variety of examples or evidence to support your points. Including more specific examples would enhance the relevance to the task.
coherence cohesion
Integrate transition words more effectively between sentences to improve the flow of information. This will help in building stronger connections between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next one. Although your ideas are clear, transitions could be enhanced to guide the reader through your argument more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This creates a logical and organized line of argument.
task achievement
There is a good use of vocabulary and sentence structures, demonstrating a clear understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You have successfully provided logical reasons for why internet is preferred over newspapers, showing a strong engagement with the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Access
  • Convenient
  • Fast
  • Expensive
  • Wider range
  • News sources
  • Perspectives
  • Readership
  • Demographics
  • Physical
  • Tangible
  • Reading experience
What to do next:
Look at other essays: