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Band 8

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
Due to
 the development of technology and the increasing usage of
phones
 are increasing, some
children
 spend their time on smartphones every day.
Although
 there are both positive and negative impacts to
this
, I believe the downside outweighs the benefits.
To begin
 with, artificial intelligence and the sources that accompany technology are significantly important tools for humans to live.
People
 use
phones
 in order to communicate faster with
people
. These days,
children
 spend their leisure time watching videos and playing games. They can save time to write letters talk with
people
 or go to the playground to play.
Moreover
, there are a lot of resources that they can get easily from the network without finding them by hand.
For instance
,
children
 who are living far apart from classmates, they get just pick up their
phones
 and text them. The app, instagram is there for many
people
 to not only communicate but
also
 post stories of what they are doing. It is very convenient for them as they can do it anywhere without going to places.
However
, there are many detrimental problems to
this
, as it can be dangerous. More
people
 are vulnerable to getting hacked by someone ruining all their personal data.
Children
 might press the wrong website, making the phone hacked. On top of
this
,
children
 who are addicted to games have difficulty distinguishing whether they are in a reality or virtual world.
Also
, peer groups bully their friends by posting stories mocking that particular person.
For example
, a boy who is addicted to video games killed his sister because he couldn't notice that he was in reality.
This
 is a serious problem for
children
 and clearly shows the negative influence of mobile
phones
.
Submitted by sooah1799 on

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introduction conclusion present
Consider strengthening your introduction by clearly outlining the main points you will discuss. This can help in guiding the reader more effectively through your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Include a stronger conclusion that reiterates your position and summarises main ideas clearly, reinforcing the overall argument.
logical structure
Work on refining topic sentences for each paragraph to enhance clarity. Well-defined topic sentences can guide the reader and improve the logical flow of ideas.
relevant specific examples
Ensure all examples are directly relevant to the point being made. Avoid overly dramatic examples that might detract from the overall cohesiveness.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay effectively highlights both positive and negative aspects of smartphone use among children, which showcases a balanced understanding of the issue.
logical structure
The structure of the essay is organized into paragraphs that discuss distinct aspects of the topic, enhancing readability and focus.
supported main points
The use of concrete examples helps in illustrating points, making the essay more engaging and convincing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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