IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or mall to do their shopping. Is this a positive or negative development?

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In many parts of the world, many
people
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 are going to the
mall
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 for shopping. Meanwhile, it has a negative impact on local
shops
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 and it has changed the way
people
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 shop.
This
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 essay believes shopping in the
mall
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 is more effective. For the following reasons. Is
this
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 the most effective way? First of all, I believe that the
mall
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 provides job opportunities for many
people
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 in some places.
This
Linking Words
 is a good solution to develop the city, and those
people
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 can look for experience or make a network with each other.
For example
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, at 1
mall
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 or large shopping centre, there are types of work.
Besides
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, it offers a wider range of products in one place and gets good service.
Secondly
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, at
mall
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 provides a place to relax and play. After bored from work a lot of
people
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 need to go out and play with their children, and the
mall
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 is a good place to quality time with family.
For example
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, at the
mall
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 there are playgrounds, and enjoy a cup of coffee to tea, or watch some favourite movie in the cinema.
Additionally
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, we can buy some dresses, like clothes or pants, even if it is more expensive but it has good quality.
Furthermore
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, we can find local or international brands,
such
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 as Nike, Dior, etc. and
this
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 product is not available in the local or small
shops
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. In conclusion,
while
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 a few claim there are negative impacts on local
shops
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.
However
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, large shopping centres clearly have a positive impact on several
people
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.
Therefore
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, the government should give education to small
shops
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 about the positive impact of the
mall
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.

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task achievement
Make sure to refine the thesis statement for a more definitive stance on whether shopping in malls is a positive or negative development.
task achievement
Add more specific and detailed examples to strengthen your arguments. Vague examples can weaken your point.
task achievement
Ensure that each main idea is directly related to the question prompt and that you clearly explain how it supports your point of view.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases like 'additionally,' 'however,' 'on the other hand,' etc. to connect your ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Clearly state and differentiate your main points in separate paragraphs. This enhances readability and makes your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Reiterate your main points clearly in the conclusion to strengthen your argument and leave a lasting impression on the reader.
task achievement
You have provided valid points for why shopping centers can be considered more effective, like job opportunities and a relaxing environment.
coherence cohesion
The essay structure is generally organized with clear paragraphs for each main point.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic downturn
  • local artisans
  • monopolization
  • cultural homogenization
  • sustainability
  • carbon footprint
  • e-commerce
  • proximity shopping
  • urban sprawl
  • retail ecosystem
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