IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statements?

#families #children #schools #taxes #support #education #system #statements
Some people who spend more
money
 on their kids'
education
 think that they shouldn'
t
 pay
taxes
 which enriches the country's
education
 system.
This
 essay will agree with the given statement because people do not take any advantage of the government's spending on
education
. Notably, they can use their
money
 more properly for themselves and their
children
. On the one hand, most of the parents who pay for a private school and independent from the government in the aspect. In consequence, if they paid the
taxes
, they wouldn'
t
 get any results of the
taxes
 because
children
 were going to the private school and not to the regular.
For example
, in the US, the research found that people who pay for non-regular
education
 waste 5% of their annual salary for state
education
 as everyone in the country,
however
, their kids are not involved in it, so for them, it is a useless thing.
On the other hand
, households can invest the amount of
money
 that they use for paying
taxes
 on themselves or their
children
.
Children
 can get a better
education
 at the university which potentially leads them to prosperity. Interstingly, youngsters will become more educated and smarter which is good for society.
For example
, my father could have a better
education
, if his parents hadn'
t
 paid so much
money
 on
taxes
.
Moreover
, he could get more from the knowledge that he would take at a better university. In conclusion, parents whose kids go to private schools don'
t
 have any preferences for their
children
 that they should take because of their
taxes
.
Submitted by dimash.shaitmahmet on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clear separation of ideas between paragraphs to enhance logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the conclusion by briefly summarizing the main points and clearly restate the opinion.
task achievement
Develop examples with more depth and specificity to better support main ideas.
task achievement
Provide a balanced discussion by considering opposing viewpoints for a more comprehensive response.
task achievement
The essay maintains a clear position and supports it throughout.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical progression of ideas, generally maintaining coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • tax exemption
  • public services
  • equal opportunity
  • social investment
  • civic duty
  • underfunded
  • infrastructure
  • social solidarity
  • personal choice
  • legal standpoint
What to do next:
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