IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#countries #university #students #home #study #city
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Pursuing
academic
Correct article usage
an academic
show examples
 journey is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 significant part of
students
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
students
Use synonyms
 attend local schools, they sometimes should move to
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 cities' or even countries' colleges and universities to pursue their education. Recently, it has been a controversial issue whether it is beneficial to move to another region to
study
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will express the advantages and disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 statement and reveal my orientation towards it. Opponents argue that
students
Use synonyms
 deviate from their
Use synonyms
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 moving to
another cities
Replace the adjective
another city
other cities
show examples
. To put it differently,
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that pupils live alone without families, they take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
full responsibility
of
Change preposition
for
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 all household chores,
such
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 as washing, cooking, shopping and ironing, without any assistance.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they should dedicate a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 to
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
 chores which is against their aim of
study
Use synonyms
.
As a result
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, the lack of
time
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 harms their academic pursuit because pupils'
time
Use synonyms
 is not particularly dedicated just to their lessons.
Conversely
Linking Words
, proponents believe that studying in another region leads to appearing strong personalities. To elaborate,
students
Use synonyms
 definitely encounter some challenges
such
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 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 doing chores,
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 and studying. Overcoming these issues prepares them for future hurdles and
consequently
Linking Words
, they will be able to manage them more conveniently. In
this
Linking Words
 regard, being alone flourishes their self-confidence and
self- esteem
Correct your spelling
self-esteem
show examples
.
For example
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,
students
Use synonyms
 should manage their
time
Use synonyms
 to do their homework
as well as
Linking Words
doing
Wrong verb form
do
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 household, so at the first step they will learn
time
Use synonyms
 management. In conclusion,
Use synonyms
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 in another place
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 is far from families and relatives is undoubtedly difficult. Despite the fact that
this
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 is accompanied by some drawbacks, pupils' characters
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
flourished
as well as
Linking Words
 their academic background. I believe that the pros of it outweigh the cons.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Task Achievement
To further strengthen your essay, you could include more specific examples or personal experiences that support your main points. This will make your arguments more convincing and relatable.
Task Achievement
Try to express your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Some sentences could be simplified to improve understanding.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your argument develops consistently throughout the essay. Make sure each paragraph flows logically from the one before it.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, framing your argument effectively.
Task Achievement
You have identified both advantages and disadvantages, showcasing a balanced understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay, with distinct paragraphs for different points, aids the reader's understanding.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
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