In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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Pursuing
academic
Correct article usage
an academic

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journey is
the
Correct article usage
a

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significant part of
students
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.
Although
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students
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attend local schools, they sometimes should move to
another
Correct quantifier usage
other

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cities' or even countries' colleges and universities to pursue their education. Recently, it has been a controversial issue whether it is beneficial to move to another region to
study
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.
This
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essay will express the advantages and disadvantages of
this
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statement and reveal my orientation towards it. Opponents argue that
students
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deviate from their
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study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies

It seems that study may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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through
Change preposition
by

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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moving to
another cities
Replace the adjective
another city
other cities

The adjective another appears to be modifying the plural noun cities. Consider replacing it with the adjective other.

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. To put it differently,
due to
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the fact that pupils live alone without families, they take
the
Correct article usage
apply

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full responsibility
of
Change preposition
for

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all household chores,
such
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as washing, cooking, shopping and ironing, without any assistance.
Consequently
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, they should dedicate a lot of
time
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to
do
Wrong verb form
doing

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb do. Consider changing it.

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chores which is against their aim of
study
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.
As a result
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, the lack of
time
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harms their academic pursuit because pupils'
time
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is not particularly dedicated just to their lessons.
Conversely
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, proponents believe that studying in another region leads to appearing strong personalities. To elaborate,
students
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definitely encounter some challenges
such
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as
,
Remove the comma
apply

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doing chores,
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships

It seems that relationship may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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and studying. Overcoming these issues prepares them for future hurdles and
consequently
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, they will be able to manage them more conveniently. In
this
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regard, being alone flourishes their self-confidence and
self- esteem
Correct your spelling
self-esteem

The word self- esteem seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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.
For example
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,
students
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should manage their
time
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to do their homework
as well as
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doing
Wrong verb form
do

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb doing. Consider changing it.

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household, so at the first step they will learn
time
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management. In conclusion,
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Use synonyms
study
Wrong verb form
studying

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb study. Consider changing it.

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in another place
where
Correct word choice
that

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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is far from families and relatives is undoubtedly difficult. Despite the fact that
this
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is accompanied by some drawbacks, pupils' characters
are
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb are appears to be unnecessary here.

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flourished
as well as
Linking Words

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their academic background. I believe that the pros of it outweigh the cons.

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Task Achievement
To further strengthen your essay, you could include more specific examples or personal experiences that support your main points. This will make your arguments more convincing and relatable.
Task Achievement
Try to express your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Some sentences could be simplified to improve understanding.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your argument develops consistently throughout the essay. Make sure each paragraph flows logically from the one before it.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, framing your argument effectively.
Task Achievement
You have identified both advantages and disadvantages, showcasing a balanced understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay, with distinct paragraphs for different points, aids the reader's understanding.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
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