Some people believe that young people benefit from working while studying at school or university. Others think that young people will achieve more by focussing on their studies. Discuss both of the view points and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. days?
Working and studying at the same time may be
useful
and Add an article
a useful
good
combination: getting Correct article usage
a good
knowledges
and having experience with Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
money
from workplace
. Add an article
the workplace
However
, with
Change preposition
in
this
way, students
will not be able to distinctly concentrate on the
both sides, which may lead to losing Remove the article
apply
the
job and Change the word
their
Add a missing verb
being distraction
distraction
at school or university.
Getting Replace the word
distracted
education
, Add an article
an education
while
working may be beneficial from many sides. Because, with
Change preposition
in
this
way, students
can earn their own money
, if they need and
will have the representation of the value of Correct pronoun usage
it and
money
. For example
, our young generation is becoming more obsessed with money
, however
they even do not have any idea Add the comma(s)
however,
with
which efforts their parents Change preposition
about
gained it
and they are continuing to waste Verb problem
made
money
for
useless things. When Change preposition
on
teenager
starts to earn his own Add an article
a teenager
money
with his effort, he may get many beneficial sides, like work
experience, price
of Correct article usage
the price
money
, independance
and even it can influence Correct your spelling
independence
on
Change preposition
apply
the
study, if he Change the word
his
will
Wrong verb form
works
work
in that prastigious
place which will be connected with his future career. Correct your spelling
prestigious
Therefore
, parents should give this
chance to their children to make their future life easier.
On the other hand
, by combining working and schooling, students
will not be able to focus on exactly studying, due to
lack
of energy and power. Correct article usage
a lack
For example
, if teenagers will
study in the morning and Verb problem
apply
work
until evening, they will be tired, and this
may affect to mentally and physicaly
position of the Correct your spelling
physically
physical
students
or in
the worse side, it can lead to depression and other issues. Scientists proved on the experiment that humans cannot do two things simultaneously Change preposition
on
perfect
, especially for young people it will be a big load. Change the word
perfectly
Therefore
, it is much better to do one thing perfect
, rather than fail in two prospects.
In conclusion, in my point of view, parents may not let Change the word
perfectly
to
their children Change preposition
apply
to growth
Correct your spelling
grow
as
Change preposition
into
an
ungrateful Correct article usage
apply
person
, who Fix the agreement mistake
people
does
not know the value of Correct subject-verb agreement
do
money
, instead
, they may bring up their children with that
conditions and Correct determiner usage
those
behavior
, Fix the agreement mistake
behaviors
where
Correct word choice
which
it
will not be necessary to send him to Correct pronoun usage
apply
work
. By
Change preposition
In
this
way, young
generation will only be focused on Add an article
the young
the
studying and getting Correct article usage
apply
knowledges
for Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
his
future Correct pronoun usage
their
career
.Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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task response
Be sure to address the task fully by balancing the discussion of both viewpoints, and then explicitly stating your own opinion. This structure helps clarify your response.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, try to create clearer links between ideas in paragraphs. Use connecting words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
task response
Consider using more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which frame the discussion effectively.
task response
The use of examples to explain the point of view is appreciated. This adds depth to the arguments presented.
coherence cohesion
You have a nice flow of ideas between paragraphs, especially in highlighting the benefits and drawbacks of the discussed viewpoints.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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