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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries today the retirement age from work has been raised. Do the advantages of raising the retirement age outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #retirement #age #work
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In today's society, many nations are prolonging the 
retirement
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age
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 from work.
This
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 essay will present the benefits of extending the 
retirement
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age
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 in lieu of the work experience of older employees and the reduction of financial pressure on younger generations before shedding light on why
this
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 strategy can be disadvantageous on account of
age
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-related diseases and the job opportunities of younger 
individuals
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.
Firstly
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, raising the
retirement
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age
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 could be beneficial
due to
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 the skilled workforce and the reduced financial burden on younger generations. The first rationale is that seasoned employees have contributed to companies for a long time through numerous projects and events, to which they have become accustomed. Their high workloads have equipped them with effective problem-solving skills, enabling them to handle challenges swiftly and efficiently.
This
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 may
instill
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instil
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 stability and productivity in companies.
For example
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, Hitachi raised its 
retirement
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age
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 from 60 to 65, allowing skilled workers to remain in the company longer. Hitachi took
this
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 action to preserve their expertise, essential for managing intricate engineering projects and upholding enduring customer connections, tasks that younger employees might find challenging.
Additionally
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, the burden of financial problems on younger 
individuals
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 may be reduced because youngsters may be under less pressure related to healthcare and finance as they are not the primary workforce.
This
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 may allow younger people to focus on other aspects of their lives,
such
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 as education, skill development, and career promotion.
However
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, in reality, raising the 
retirement
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age
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 has an adverse bearing on older adults' health and youth employment rates. One compelling rationale is that
age
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-related diseases are increasingly prevalent among older adults, which can negatively impact productivity.
For example
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, diseases related to bones,
such
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 as arthritis and osteoarthritis, can pose obstacles for older people remaining seated in the same place for a long time.
By contrast
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, younger 
individuals
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 may be more physically resilient and better able to endure prolonged tasks.
Moreover
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, job opportunities for younger people may be more competitive on the grounds that fewer positions become available to replace senior staff from the older generation.
As a result
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, the rate of youth unemployment is higher year by year, which is the reason why prolonging the 
retirement
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age
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 may be negative. In conclusion,
while
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 raising the 
retirement
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age
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 offers some benefits,
such
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 as maintaining a skilled workforce for companies and reducing the financial burden for younger 
individuals
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, the disadvantages are glaring because of the health problems of older 
age
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 and the limited career opportunities for younger generations. Word Count: 415
Submitted by Mido  on

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task achievement
Consider expanding on the counterarguments briefly to show a more balanced view, even though you refute them effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure clear transitions between paragraphs to further enhance the flow of the essay. This can aid in guiding the reader through your points smoothly.
task achievement
The essay effectively outlines both advantages and disadvantages of raising the retirement age and provides clear, specific examples.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the topic and what the essay will address, providing a good roadmap for readers.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph focuses on a single idea, maintaining clarity and allowing for strong elaboration on each point.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • life expectancy
  • pension systems
  • financial pressure
  • economic growth
  • workforce
  • retirement savings
  • skills and knowledge transfer
  • job opportunities
  • health challenges
  • work-life balance
  • societal resistance
  • burnout
  • productivity
  • well-being
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