IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many manufactured food and drink product contain high level of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary product should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #product #level #sugar #health #people
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There is no denying the fact that food and drink
products
 contain high levels of
sugar
 can be a debatable subject.
While it
Correct word choice
It
show examples
 is a commonly held belief that some individuals think that the cause of many
health
 problems is Sugary product which has high levels of
sugar
. there is
also
 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that less
sugar
 in
products
 will decrease the number of diabetics.
To begin
 with, excessive
sugar
consumption
 may lead to problems in the
health
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals.
In other words
, it will cause obesity, diabetes, and tooth decay which will have a negative impact on human
health
.
In addition
, In 2021, Indonesia came to 7th place based on the number of people who suffered from the
sugar
 level, reaching almost one million patients, and in a short time, they will die.
For example
, reducing the
sugar
 level in the meal and drinking
products
 might be able to handle the problem. Another point to consider, if we raise the
sugar
 tax it will help in raising the prices of sugary
products
 and it could discourage overconsumption. It is
also
 possible to say that, because when they raise taxes on tobacco and alcohol it has been successful in reducing
consumption
 of these
products
.
Moreover
, there are alternative solutions to raise awareness.
For instance
, we could do campaigns, product labelling and education to promote healthy eating habits. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that
sugar
consumption
 needs to be slove quickly because it helps to cause many
health
 problems, I suggest that the government do a program on how to raise
sugar
Correct article usage
the sugar
show examples
 tax to help in reducing
consumption
.
Submitted by abdelaah.12 on

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task achievement
Be sure to directly address the question in the introduction by stating whether you agree or disagree. Your position should be clear throughout.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs for improved coherence.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas with more details and examples for thorough explanation.
language
Check the essay for grammar and vocabulary accuracy, and aim to use a wider lexical range.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • overconsumption
  • sugar tax
  • health implications
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • tooth decay
  • regressive tax
  • awareness campaigns
  • product labeling
  • public health
  • economic impact
  • preventive measures
  • caloric intake
  • nutritional education
  • consumption patterns
  • lifestyle diseases
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