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Band 5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Playing a game is fun only when you win. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

#game #fun #support
People believe that there is fun in
game
Add an article
the game
a game
show examples
 only if the person
win
Change the verb form
wins
show examples
.
This
 essay agrees with the statement because winning a
game
 can give the
winner
prizes
 and pride making the
winner
 think that the
game
 is much more fun. One of the reasons is that there are several
game
Change to a plural noun
games
show examples
 that can give
prizes
, including
money
,
such
 as
poker
 and
mobile-phone
Correct your spelling
mobile phone
show examples
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
. Nowadays, almost all
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 who
lives
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
show examples
 in the city really need
money
. One of the
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
 to achieve
that is
 through
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
such
 as
poker
 where they can
put
Verb problem
make
show examples
bet
Fix the agreement mistake
bets
show examples
, play
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
card
Fix the agreement mistake
cards
show examples
, calculate the possibilities and win higher
prizes
.
For instance
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
famous
game
center
Fix the agreement mistake
centers
show examples
such
 as Las Vegas where it is famous for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poker
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
. Another example is through mobile phone
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 where
gamer
Fix the agreement mistake
gamers
show examples
joining
Wrong verb form
join
show examples
 the tournament and
hence
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
money
prizes
such
 as DOTA or Mobile
legends
Capitalize word
Legends
show examples
. Another reason is that it can give the
winner
feeling
Correct article usage
a feeling
show examples
pride
Change preposition
of pride
show examples
 and
title
such
 as Chess
game
. Chees, which
famous
Add a missing verb
is famous
show examples
 for
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 championship, is always known for
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
title
 as Grand
master
Capitalize word
Master
show examples
 where the
winner
 not only take the
money
 but
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 considered
famous
Correct article usage
a famous
show examples
title
 so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
everyone wants to compete with
entitled
Add an article
the entitled
an entitled
show examples
winner
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a
game
. With
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 system, everyone wants to play and master the strategy so that they
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
excell
Correct your spelling
excel
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
game
.
For example
, Lots of citizen in Moscow really likes to play Chess and even have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
space
Fix the agreement mistake
spaces
show examples
such
 as
park
Fix the agreement mistake
parks
show examples
. In conclusion, playing
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 can become so much fun
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
only when the person
win
Change the verb form
wins
show examples
 because
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 not only
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 the
winner
money
 but
also
 pride and
title
Fix the agreement mistake
titles
show examples
such
 as
poker
,
mobile-phone
Correct your spelling
mobile phone
show examples
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 and chess.
Submitted by alyalihan28 on

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task achievement
The essay provides a satisfactory response to the task but could benefit from a deeper analysis of the topic. Consider exploring reasons why games might be enjoyable even when one does not win, to present a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and conclusion, which reinforces the argument. This could improve the overall structure and make it easier for the reader to follow your position.
task achievement
While the essay provides relevant examples, it would be helpful to explain these examples in greater detail and connect them more explicitly to your main arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The use of specific examples like poker, mobile games, and chess adds credibility to the points made.
task achievement
There is a clear attempt to address the prompt and provide a reasoned opinion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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