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Band 5.5

Many people think that education in universities should be free for all students no matter what their financial background is. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #education #universities #students #matter #background
Education
 is an essential element for every person no matter how old they are. The rate of public and private college
education
 is increasing significantly and some institutions ask for funds.
However
, some people believe that
education
 is required for each student and it should be free for all pupils. I totally agree that under-graduates should be free,
while
 postgraduate
education
 should be paid. In
this
 essay, I will explain the reasons for my opinion.
To begin
 with,
education
 is a crucial element for each society and community and it creates safe and fruitful environments. Studies have shown that the is a relationship between the number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crimes and high and low literacy. They found out that society who have a high rate of literacy has a small percentage of crimes and vice versa.
For example
, my brother works in a town where most individuals do not complete after high school, because of college requirements of payment, he noticed the number of violence and crimes among teenagers.
On the other hand
, students who would like to complete their postgraduate should pay because most of them have jobs
also
 it will measure their seriousness about studying. The studies demonstrated that many students who studied master's and PhD free , turn to drop out after three months of studying.
For instance
, my sister studied master's
Tabuk
Change preposition
at Tabuk
show examples
 University she paid 65,000 rials , she didn't face any problem
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 her
gather
Replace the word
gathering
show examples
 money because she had a job when she thought about dropping out she couldn't because she paid and the university rejected it back so she continued and graduated. In conclusion, I believe that studying undergraduate should be free because it's a right and important for everyone. Meanwhile studying post to graduate should be paid because most people have jobs and
also
 it measures their seriousness
Submitted by fatmahaleesa on

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task achievement
Ensure that your essay consistently supports the opinion stated in your introduction. While you agreed that undergraduate education should be free and postgraduate should be paid, there are some parts that could benefit from clearer links to the prompt regarding why governments or institutions should adopt this policy.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing paragraph transitions and using linking words to ensure smooth flow and connection between your ideas. This can help structure your essay more clearly to guide the reader through your arguments and evidence.
task achievement
You may want to consider elaborating on your examples a bit more to deeply connect them back to your main argument. This could make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The essay attempts to provide a structured response with an introduction, supporting arguments, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples from personal experience, which added value to your arguments.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, providing a clear starting point and focus for the essay.
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