Some school children buy healthy food from the school cafeteria. However, some buy unhealthy food. What are the reasons for both these situations? Should schools be allowed to sell unhealthy food?

Some
school
children
purchase healthy
food
from the
school
canteens
Fix the agreement mistake
canteen
show examples
while
others buy unhealthy
food
. The reasons behind these problems are that parents make
children
aware of the drawbacks of unhealthy
food
. Those
children
who buy healthy
food
, have the
habits
Fix the agreement mistake
habit
show examples
of consuming healthy
food
. I personally believe that
schools
should not sell unhealthy
food
because it attracts
children
to consume
unheathy
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
food
which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
detrimental to their
health
. Parents create awareness among those
children
who buy healthy
food
from their
school
canteens. At home, those
children
are well-educated about the harmful effects of unhealthy
food
.
Therefore
, they tend to buy and consume healthy
food
because they believe that these
foods
are good for their
health
.
Moreover
, those
children
who buy unhealthy
food
have the
habits
Fix the agreement mistake
habit
show examples
of eating unhealthy
food
. They do not know about the harmful effects of unhealthy
food
. They only prioritize the tastes and looks of
food
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and do not care about their
health
.
For example
, in Bangladesh, many
children
have developed the
habits
Fix the agreement mistake
habit
show examples
of eating street
food
during their
lunch time
Correct your spelling
lunchtime
show examples
in
schools
. They consume them for
tastes
Fix the agreement mistake
taste
show examples
but they do not know how much harmful those
foods
are. I personally believe that
schools
should not sell unhealthy
food
. These
foods
are attractive and tasty and
therefore
, they attract
children
the most.
Children
are innocent and cannot differentiate the right and wrong.
Therefore
, They get easily attracted by those harmful
foods
and consume them.
As a result
, they suffer from various diseases which
hinders
Correct subject-verb agreement
hinder
show examples
their
health
.
For example
, in India,
school
children
always suffer from
desentry
Correct your spelling
dysentery
and dehydration only because of consuming street
food
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
their
school
lunch. In conclusion,
children
who buy healthy
food
are well-educated by their parents about the harmful effects of unhealthy
food
. I personally believe that
schools
should not sell unhealthy
food
because it attracts
children
the most.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to develop more balanced arguments by considering the reasons behind both situations in more depth. Discuss why some students choose unhealthy options beyond parental influence, such as peer pressure or convenience.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving your transitions between paragraphs and ideas to aid in fluidity and coherence. Use linking words and phrases more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a solid overall structure.
task achievement
You provide specific examples which help illustrate your points, enhancing the task achievement.
task achievement
The main points concerning parents' influence and children's habits are clearly presented, showing clear task engagement.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: