Many animal species in the world are becoming extinct nowadays. Some people say that countries and individuals should protect these animals from dying out, while others say that we should concentrate more on the problems of human beings. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

These days, many
animals
in the world are becoming extinct. Some people believe that governments and people should protect these
animals
from extinction,
while
others think that we should prioritize the problems of human beings. I personally believe that
while
protecting
animals
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
beneficial for the
environment
, we should concentrate on saving
humans
because they are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
superior to all species. If governments and people protect
animals
from extinction, it is beneficial for the
environment
.
Animals
protect our
environment
through several attempts. They protect
biodiversity
Add an article
the biodiversity
show examples
of the
environment
,
fertility
Correct word choice
and fertility
show examples
of lands, and decrease carbon emissions. The damages we are doing every day to our
environment
,
animals
Correct word choice
and animals
show examples
help to mitigate them. Extinction of these
animals
posses
Correct your spelling
poses
show examples
a serious threat to the
environment
.
For example
, around 56% of land
animals
in Australia became extinct in the
last
dacade
Correct your spelling
decade
, which tremendously
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
the climate and land fertility of the state.
However
, I personally believe that we should concentrate on
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
because they are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
superior to all living
creatures
.
Humans
are the best among all
creatures
and they should be protected and cared
properly
Change preposition
for properly
show examples
.
Humans
are the survivors of several natural disasters, and they deserve to be protected. Most importantly,
humans
are the only hope of all
creatures
in the world, and they can save
this
Earth with their intellectuality, knowledge, experiments and care. If
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
are not properly cared
, they
Change preposition
for, they
show examples
will become extinct like other
creatures
.
For instance
, Richard Ottman, a famous scientist from the USA, has declared that scientists should concentrate on the problems of
humans
over
animals
because human lives are more valuable than
animals
. In conclusion, I personally believe that
while
animals
protect the
environment
, we should more concentrate on saving human lives. Because they are the only hope of
this
earth.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task response
Expand on the discussion of both views equally to provide a more balanced argument. This will enhance the task response score.
task response
Try to develop more comprehensive ideas that are clearly connected with evidence or examples.
coherence cohesion
Ensure logical progression in ideas, especially transitions between paragraphs. This will help in coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition of ideas and focus on presenting each point distinctly.
introduction conclusion present
The essay begins with a clear introduction outlining the main perspectives and the writer's own position.
supported main points
Main points are generally well-supported with examples, such as the impact of the extinction of animals on climate and land fertility in Australia.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • cascading effects
  • economic impacts
  • ecosystem
  • endangered species
  • environmental conservation
  • human welfare
  • moral duty
  • preserve
  • sustainable practices
  • habitats
  • interconnected
  • extinction
  • advocates
  • opponents
  • priority
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