More and more people becoming seriously outweight. Some people think a solution can be to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

It is suggested that people are getting overweight nowadays and reckon that putting a high cost on fattening
foods
would be the best solution.
Although
there are several positive sides
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
it. I am generally opposed to it. On one hand, individuals can solve
this
issue which is obesity by
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
show examples
the cost of cuisines which contain fats.
For instance
, if a government increases the price of
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
of
foods
, most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people are supposed to force themselves to purchase less than the normal
due to
financial side.
This
,
furthermore
, can be excellent
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not only
to reduce
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for reducing
show examples
of people who are obese, but it can
also
play an active role
to promote
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in promoting
show examples
the budget of authority.
On the other hand
, making fattening products
high-valued
Correct your spelling
high-value
show examples
can be unproductive and unbeneficial in many circumstances. Individuals
since
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apply
show examples
,
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apply
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who earn less money are supposed to be may make various conflicts towards
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
. What is more, another negative side of
this
suggestion would be health problems. Because, as a person who
tended
Wrong verb form
tends
show examples
to consume fatty
foods
, he or she may face difficulties
on
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in
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health as he or she can not afford to buy them.
Consequently
Add a comma
Consequently,
show examples
this
may bring about to increase
the
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in the
show examples
level of
overall
illnesses. In conclusion,
while
this
desicion
Correct your spelling
decision
has merits, I am in favour of not solving obesity arguments by making fattening
foods
pricey.
Submitted by Writing9 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your central argument is clear and consistent throughout. Some points seem contradictory or not fully thought out, such as suggesting health problems will increase if people can't buy unhealthy foods.
task achievement
Try to provide more detailed and specific examples to support your main arguments. This will help clarify your points and make your argument more persuasive.
task achievement
Be careful with grammar and sentence structure to improve clarity and readability. While small mistakes won’t impact your overall score drastically, working on them can help convey your message more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument.
task achievement
You have presented a balanced view by acknowledging positive aspects of the argument you disagree with, which adds depth to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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