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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people choose to have their first child at an older age. What are the reasons? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #first #child #age
The question of whether adults choose to own their first
child
 at an older
age
 considerably sparks a debate in society. In my view, the advantages of having a first
child
 at a certain
age
 significantly outweigh the disadvantages
also
 in
this
 essay, I will examine the reasons. One of the paramount advantages of owning a
child
 at a certain
age
 is whether the male or female needs to pursue their career at an effective
age
. Company encourages their
laborers
Change the spelling
labourers
show examples
 to be focused on their jobs to achieve good outcomes. In consequence, maximizing their time by working hard is the best solution to accelerate their career.
This
 situation seriously affects young couples' marriages delaying their time to have children.
Moreover
, delaying having a
child
also
 gives a benefit to
people
 especially to be mature.
Such
 as, in developing countries, there are a lot of
people
 who have a
child
 at immature ages.
Therefore
, it increases the potential of divorce among
people
, and
also
 it impacts their children’s future.
However
, it is crucial to acknowledge the potential drawbacks of having a
child
 at older
age
. Concerns may arise about the high-risk potential that
people
 have if they have their first
child
 at an older
age
. Because
people
’s metabolisms deteriorate when they are older, it impacts the potential of having children who have serious diseases. To address
this
, medical committees and researchers with enhanced technology should be focused on equipment and socialize
people
 to fertilize their embryos at certain ages. In conclusion,
while
 there are disadvantages associated with owning children at an older
age
, I firmly believe that the advantages far outweigh these concerns. Enhanced technology and socializing
people
 to fertilize their embryos may maximize
people
’s activities and assist them effectively in addressing the potential disadvantages.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow of your arguments. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, maintaining a clear progression of ideas.
Task Achievement
Incorporate specific examples to support your arguments. This will add depth to your response and demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Take care with word choice and phrasing to clearly convey your ideas. Try to refine your language for precision and clarity, avoiding expressions that might mislead or confuse the reader (e.g., "own a child" should be "have a child").
Task Achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument clearly, balancing advantages and disadvantages effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Good attempt at structuring the essay with a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a sense of coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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