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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people argue that to make healthy foods like fruits and vegetables more affordable, they should be subsidised by the government. Others believe that it is better to tax unhealthy foods. Discuss both views and give your option.

#people #foods #fruits #vegetables #government #tax #option
more and more
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 wrangle that making healthy
as well as
 Fruits and vegetables more inexpensive.
However
 , they
ought
Add the word
ought to
show examples
be give
Change the verb form
be given
show examples
 money by
administration
Correct article usage
the administration
show examples
However
, others argue that it is
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
 method to levy. In my opinion, I believe that both views are equally important. On the one hand, It is believed by some
people
 that healthy nourishment should be more cheap and
surround
Wrong verb form
surrounded
show examples
 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government attention. In fact, If the shops
sale
Replace the word
sell
show examples
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 suitable prices, it will allow the citizens to buy healthy products.
Furthermore
 , when each country
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
concerned
Correct article usage
a concerned
show examples
 government for
the goods prices
Change to a genitive case
the prices of the goods
the prices of the good
show examples
 that will
inspirits
Change the verb form
inspirit
show examples
 the
people
 too used to buy
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
goad
Correct your spelling
good
show examples
 nutrition. A Study published
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 New York
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
 concluded that 90% of those who get fruits and vegetables
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good health.
Therefore
, having
wholesome
Correct article usage
a wholesome
show examples
bodies
Fix the agreement mistake
body
show examples
 is better to reduce stress and work pressures.
On
Correct your spelling
One
show examples
 and the other. hand, other
people
 argue that it is best to
fee
Correct your spelling
feed
show examples
 unprecious
food
 . In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other words, eating
bod
Correct your spelling
body
show examples
food
 without nutritional value makes the whole body
weakness
Replace the word
weak
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 and rustiness.
In addition
, substandard foods
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
damage
Correct your spelling
damaged
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
mood
Fix the agreement mistake
moods
show examples
 and
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
weights
Fix the agreement mistake
weight
show examples
.
For example
, my mom is in good physical condition because she used to eat healthy meals,
while
 my sister used to eat junk
food
 and she suffers from Chronic diseases
such
 as diabetes and hypertension.
As a result
, unhealthy
food
 has no nutritional index and increased consumption of
this
 type of
food
 can
detrimental
Add a missing verb
be detrimental
show examples
 to one's
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
. It
is contend
Change the verb form
is contended
show examples
 by some
people
 that making healthy foods more accessible must be
government responsible
Add a hyphen
government-responsible
show examples
while
 others agree that it is
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
 technique to levy unvalued foods. In my opinion, I believe that there is no single way to be healthy. Good
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
along side
Correct your spelling
alongside
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
healthy
food
 and
governmant
Correct your spelling
government
 control guarantee you
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 life.
Submitted by 13788542 on

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language use
Focus on improving grammar and sentence structure for clearer expression of ideas.
task achievement
Ensure all points are developed fully with relevant examples to enhance task achievement.
coherence
Pay attention to proper paragraphing and transitions to improve flow between ideas.
task achievement
Clarify key arguments and ensure that both views are addressed equally throughout the essay.
task achievement
The essay presents both views and offers a personal opinion, which is essential for task achievement.
coherence
The introduction and conclusion provide a clear framework for the discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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