IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, many buildings, such as offices and schools, are being built with an open-space design. Why is this? Is it a positive or negative development?

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these days, numerous structures , namely
works
Change the verb form
work
show examples
 places and
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 have unpartitioned designs . In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 is because
people
Use synonyms
 can
communication
Replace the word
communicate
show examples
 easily and open spaces allow natural light to flow throughout, creating a brighter environment, but I think
this
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 is a negative development.
Firstly
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,
people
Use synonyms
 who
shared
Wrong verb form
share
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 the same space
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can’t
concentration
Replace the word
concentrate
show examples
 because of the loud noises .
That is
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 to say, if
people
Use synonyms
upset
Add a missing verb
are upset
show examples
 under the pressure of work that will make the workers
do
Verb problem
make
show examples
 many
mistaks
Correct your spelling
mistakes
 which may get them fired from their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, if one of them
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
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phone
Correct article usage
a phone
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 or even
group
Correct article usage
a group
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 have
personal
Correct article usage
a personal
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convarsation
Correct your spelling
conversation
conversations
 That makes
employees
Use synonyms
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
 their focus .
employees
Use synonyms
 should work in a quiet place to get away from distractions. Another reason is that Some
people
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 may feel uncomfortable without designated areas, which can reduce job satisfaction.Simply put , Open
plan
Correct your spelling
open-plan
show examples
 layout
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can lead to a lack of
privacy
Use synonyms
 .
To
Change preposition
For
show examples
 instance, if one of the
employees
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 urgent matters that will make him feel embarrassed to answer a personal phone call.
As a result
Linking Words
, working in
opens
Change the noun form
open
show examples
 places might sometimes lead to a lack of
privacy
Use synonyms
 for many
employees
Use synonyms
 making them want to leave .
Finally
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, In my opinion,
this
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 is a negative development because can it lead to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
privacy
Use synonyms
 . When everyone is steated in the same open space , the environment will become more uncomfortable .To illustrate, during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work not only
privacy
Use synonyms
 is important but
also
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 the noises inside the room
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be huge issues.
To sum up
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,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
although
Linking Words
 open space design can bring benefits,
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 can lead to
lost
Replace the word
loss
show examples
 the
privacy
Use synonyms
 . If all companies adopt
this
Linking Words
open plan
Add a hyphen
open-plan
show examples
 layout ,
employees
Use synonyms
 might face a lot of stress
because
Add the preposition
because of
show examples
 the noises and sounds.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, work on making the flow of ideas more logical and interconnected. It's important that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each main point is well-supported with specific evidence or examples. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
task achievement
Ensure a clear and comprehensive explanation of the examples you choose. It will be helpful to expand on them to reinforce your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, outlining the writer's stance on the topic effectively.
task achievement
The focus on issues such as noise and privacy is relevant, demonstrating an understanding of possible problems associated with open-space designs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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