IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that technology has made our lives more convenient, while others argue that it has caused more harm than good. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #technology #lives #harm
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It is undoubtedly true that
technology
Use synonyms
 has a great impact on our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
While
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 some people claim that
technology
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facilitated
Wrong verb form
facilitates
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 our living, others
impugn
Verb problem
argue
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 that its damages are more than its benefits.
This
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 essay will discuss both points of view and agree with the latter for certain reasons. If we look at it one way, there are a number of inventions that make work performance more effective in distinct fields.
In other words
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, automation machinery is a large part of the household and industry, which ensures that task is done much faster.
For example
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, an electric lawnmower allows you to cut grass quickly by automating the process. If we look at it another way,
technology
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 negatively affects human health by creating a state of immobility. Strictly speaking, people's bodies can fail to develop
due to
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 the inactivity created by devices.
For instance
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,
according to
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 a study conducted on the people of Beijing, 46,8% of them suffered from bone inflammation
due to
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 sitting in front of the computer for hours. In my opinion, for the human race, whose evolution was formed by physical action to achieve a goal, the fact that
technology
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 has replaced us in many areas and created laziness is a big factor directed against
development
Add an article
the development
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 of our generation.
Therefore
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, I believe
technology
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 has more disadvantages than positive sides. In conclusion,
technology
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 may reduce individuals'
effort
Fix the agreement mistake
efforts
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 to
get
Verb problem
achieve
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 different aims.
However
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, the dangers it brings with itself outweigh its good aspects.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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task achievement
Try to develop your arguments with more depth and provide further examples to support your viewpoints. This will enhance the quality of your task response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly connects back to your thesis statement or main argument. This will improve the logical flow of ideas throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which firmly establish your position on the topic.
task achievement
You have made a good effort to address both sides of the argument, presenting balanced views before stating your own opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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