Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
In general, because of
advancement
in technology, Fix the agreement mistake
advancements
children’s
lives have experienced changes in many aspects, from sedentary
lifestyle to eating fast and junk food, and unfortunately, a vast majority of them don’t pay enough attention to their well-being and health status. In Add an article
a sedentary
this
regard, I am of the belief that not only schools and parents should take this
problem into consideration, but also
media
can help to find some effective solutions to address Correct article usage
the media
this
concerning issue.
First of all, schools can incorporate sport
programs to encourage regular Change the noun form
sports
exercises
. Sport has numerous benefits for their physical and mental status. Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
For example
, physical activities enhance their
muscle strength, cardiovascular endurance, Correct pronoun usage
apply
overall
fitness and prevent chronic diseases. Correct word choice
and overall
In addition
, they boost children’s
mental health by reducing their stress. As shown by a huge number of evidence, doing exercise stimulate
releasing endorphin in the body which is an important endogenous drug Correct subject-verb agreement
stimulates
acts
as a stress reliever.
Correct pronoun usage
that acts
Besides
, the role of parents in maintaining their kids’ healthy lifestyle are crucial. Healthy eating habits can be stablished
at home. Correct your spelling
established
For instance
, through
avoiding junk and processed food and fizzy drinks and cooking healthy meals using natural and organic ingredients, they can ensure their children have a balanced and nutritious diet which Change preposition
by
is
in turn Unnecessary verb
apply
help
them not to put on extra weight. Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
Moreover
, they can teach children about the importance of adequate sleep at nights
becauseFix the agreement mistake
night
,
it is essential for physical growth Remove the comma
apply
as well as
brain development. For example
, those who get enough sleep have more energy for daily activities and are better able to focus and concentrate on their tasks.
Finally
, media can be used as an effective lever while
solving Change preposition
in
this
problem. It can provide educational and interactive programs to increase children’s
knowledge about the value of being active and stablishing
healthy eating habits.
In conclusion, creating Correct your spelling
establishing
healthy
lifestyle for children Add an article
a healthy
require
a multifaceted approach that includes incorporating sports and physical activities, cooking healthy and nutritional food at home, having adequate sleep at Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
nights
and enhancing the levels of Fix the agreement mistake
night
children’s
knowledge in this
regard. All in all, the close corporation
between schools’ Correct your spelling
cooperation
staffs
and parents and Fix the agreement mistake
staff
also
using positive aspects of media can lead to brilliant results.Submitted by fmahmoudialami on
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coherence cohesion
Try to make your main ideas and paragraphs more distinct and separated. This will enhance the overall logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples or statistics to strengthen your arguments and show a thorough understanding of the topic. This could also increase your task response score.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are strong, consider reviewing your main ideas in the conclusion very briefly to strengthen the unity of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your discussion.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant ideas about the role of schools, parents, and media in addressing children's unhealthy lifestyles.
task achievement
You've demonstrated awareness of the topic and insight into potential solutions, which is commendable.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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