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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is important for childrean to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.

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It is crucial for
children
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 to distinguish between right and wrong from an early age, as it forms the foundation for their future character and
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behavior
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behaviour
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.
However
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, the notion of using
punishment
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 as a tool to reinforce
this
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 learning remains contentious. I partly agree with the idea that some corrective measures can be beneficial, but I believe that
punishment
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 should be carefully applied, with an emphasis on non-violent methods that foster respect and understanding rather than fear.
Firstly
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,
punishment
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, when applied thoughtfully, can serve as an effective deterrent against undesirable
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behavior
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behaviour
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.
For instance
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, if a child is reprimanded for lying, they are more likely to avoid dishonesty in the future.
However
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,
punishment
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 should always be proportionate and constructive. Rather than physical discipline, parents and teachers can employ methods
such
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 as time-outs, restricting privileges, or verbal corrections, which encourage self-reflection and an understanding of the consequences of one’s actions.
This
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 approach promotes moral development without causing emotional or physical harm.
On the other hand
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, excessive or harsh
punishment
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 can have adverse effects on
children
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’s mental well-being and self-esteem. Studies have shown that punitive measures, especially those involving physical or psychological aggression, can lead to increased aggression, anxiety, and a diminished sense of self-worth in
children
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.
Consequently
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, I argue that punitive actions should be replaced, or at least supplemented, with positive reinforcement strategies. By rewarding good
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behavior
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behaviour
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,
children
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 are motivated to act responsibly and kindly, creating a positive cycle of
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behavior
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behaviour
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 without the need for
punishment
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.
To conclude
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,
while
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 some forms of
punishment
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 can be beneficial in teaching
children
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 about right and wrong, it is essential to use methods that promote understanding and growth rather than fear and resentment. Positive reinforcement, combined with mild, constructive
punishment
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, allows
children
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 to learn moral distinctions in a supportive environment, ultimately guiding them toward responsible and ethical
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behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.

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Example
Ensure that all examples used are directly aligned with each main point made. While the essay is strong, continuing to use specific examples can reinforce your arguments.
Depth
Consider including more perspectives, such as the role of cultural or familial context in shaping the approach to teaching children right from wrong, for a more comprehensive view.
Structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that beautifully frame the arguments, creating a strong overall structure.
Logical Flow
The essay’s arguments are well-connected, making it easy for the reader to follow your line of reasoning.
Example Use
The examples used effectively illustrate the point about non-violent corrective measures and their benefits over harsh punishment.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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