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Writing Samples
Band 6

The two maps illustrate the changes of a school campus from 1985 to 2012. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The two maps illustrate the changes of a school campus from 1985 to 2012. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#two #maps #changes #school #campus #information #features #comparisons
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The provided two maps illustrate the development in the school. The former map reflects the school campus in 1985 and the latter map shows the school
area
Use synonyms
 in 2012.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, primarily, the entrance and exit, and office remained untouched.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in 1975 there was
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
big library
area
Use synonyms
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 south side which was converted into
Learning
Correct article usage
a Learning
show examples
 Resources Centre and computer and some of its
Use synonyms
area
Change to a plural noun
areas
show examples
took
Wrong verb form
was taken
show examples
 by classrooms.
However
Linking Words
, the playing fields remained less than half and the rest
area
Use synonyms
converted
Add a missing verb
was converted
show examples
 into
pool
Add an article
the pool
a pool
show examples
, fitness centre and some classrooms. With regard to the north side, the two storeys developed into three storeys. One more additional building
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
classroom
constructed
Add a missing verb
was constructed
show examples
 in some
area
Use synonyms
 of
playing
Correct article usage
the playing
show examples
 field.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the rectangular car park was converted into
semi circle
Add a hyphen
semi-circle
show examples
 in 2012. The small car park and classroom building next to the library in 1975
was vanished
Change to the active voice
vanished
show examples
 in 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can
seen
Change the verb form
be seen
see
show examples
 easily that many new features were added during the period of time and the
totally
Change the adverb
total
show examples
 population was
also
Linking Words
 increased by 800 students in 2012.
Submitted by taniamall786 on

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words area with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "maps" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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