Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction

It is believed by many that children should have proper formal schooling till they are mature enough to take care of themselves.

This

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essay totally agrees with

this

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statement because it allows

students

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to focus on their studies and

also

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helps them build personalities.

Body · 1

First of all, when a child is enrolled in a school, as a full-time student, it allows him or her to concentrate more on studies.

Therefore

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, if children are more focused on their education early in life,

this

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will help them in getting good grades and getting admission to good universities, which can result in them having better future prospects.

For instance

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, almost all the

students

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in the top universities in India are from schools that offer only full-time schooling.

Body · 2

Another reason for agreeing with

this

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point of view is that it helps in the development of character as well. When someone has to go to school daily, it develops a sense of responsibility.

Also

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, educational institutes through their curriculum and extracurricular activities help

students

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nurture other personality traits as well.

For example

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, a survey conducted by Cambridge University found that young people who were enrolled as full-time

students

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were more punctual and had taken fewer off days from work.

Conclusion

In conclusion, it is important for young people to have a proper primary education, because it allows them to have a better career and

also

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helps them nurture their true potential. It is

therefore

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recommended that governments should make policies that force parents and guardians to provide their children with a proper primary education.

saadanwer89

Nov 25, 2024

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coherence cohesion

To enhance the essay's impact, consider using more varied linking phrases and sentences to connect ideas smoothly, ensuring a seamless flow from one point to another.

task achievement

In the body paragraphs, try expanding on ideas with more varied sentence structures and complex sentences which could provide a more comprehensive view on the subject.

task achievement

While examples provided are relevant, including a broader range could further bolster the arguments and provide a more nuanced perspective.

coherence cohesion

The introduction effectively sets the stage by clearly presenting the topic and the position taken on it.

coherence cohesion

Each paragraph is well-organized, with a clear topic sentence followed by explanations and examples.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion summarizes the arguments succinctly and reiterates the position taken in the introduction.

task achievement

The essay delivers a clear stance and provides logical reasoning in support of the position taken, maintaining relevance to the prompt.

task achievement

The argument about character development through full-time education adds depth to the essay’s perspective.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

258 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

fundamental cornerstone
literacy and numeracy
social inequalities
foundation of knowledge
social mobility
informed and engaged citizenry
democratic processes
youth crime rates
productive activities
vocational training
workforce
stifling individual talent
economic contribution
stress and mental health issues
unsuitable educational system
one-size-fits-all approach
diverse talents
career paths
formal academic education
financial strains
low-income countries
improving quality of education

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