Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is believed by many that children should have proper formal schooling till they are mature enough to take care of themselves.
This
essay totally agrees with this
statement because it allows students
to focus on their studies and also
helps them build personalities.
First of all, when a child is enrolled in a school, as a full-time student, it allows him or her to concentrate more on studies. Therefore
, if children are more focused on their education early in life, this
will help them in getting good grades and getting admission to good universities, which can result in them having better future prospects. For instance
, almost all the students
in the top universities in India are from schools that offer only full-time schooling.
Another reason for agreeing with this
point of view is that it helps in the development of character as well. When someone has to go to school daily, it develops a sense of responsibility. Also
, educational institutes through their curriculum and extracurricular activities help students
nurture other personality traits as well. For example
, a survey conducted by Cambridge University found that young people who were enrolled as full-time students
were more punctual and had taken fewer off days from work.
In conclusion, it is important for young people to have a proper primary education, because it allows them to have a better career and also
helps them nurture their true potential. It is therefore
recommended that governments should make policies that force parents and guardians to provide their children with a proper primary education.Submitted by saadanwer89 on
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coherence cohesion
To enhance the essay's impact, consider using more varied linking phrases and sentences to connect ideas smoothly, ensuring a seamless flow from one point to another.
task achievement
In the body paragraphs, try expanding on ideas with more varied sentence structures and complex sentences which could provide a more comprehensive view on the subject.
task achievement
While examples provided are relevant, including a broader range could further bolster the arguments and provide a more nuanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the stage by clearly presenting the topic and the position taken on it.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph is well-organized, with a clear topic sentence followed by explanations and examples.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the arguments succinctly and reiterates the position taken in the introduction.
task achievement
The essay delivers a clear stance and provides logical reasoning in support of the position taken, maintaining relevance to the prompt.
task achievement
The argument about character development through full-time education adds depth to the essay’s perspective.
Your opinion
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