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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

As compared to the past people today are choosing to have fewer children than their parents and grandparents. Describe some of the problems that having fewer children can cause and suggest at least one possible solution.

#people #children #parents #grandparents
Parents
 nowadays are inclined to choose
having
Change the verb form
to have
show examples
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
children
 than those generations above them, like their
parents
, grandparents, or
great grandparents
Add a hyphen
great-grandparents
show examples
.
Whereas
 those of older generations usually have more than four
children
,
parents
 in
this
 modern era generally limit their
kids
 to only two. Despite the widely-known problems and challenges
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 having a large number of
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
, it cannot be resisted that having only
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
children
also
 has its own disadvantages. There are two main problems that are going to be explained in
this
 essay.
First,
less child means less help,
either
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
 it is perceived from the point of view of
parents
 or siblings. For traditional
parents
 who do not hire any maid or household assistant, the chores are piling up every day. For a family with lots of
kids
,
parents
 can share the chores between them.
One
 can sweep the floor,
one
 can wipe the windows,
one
 can wash the dishes,
one
 can do the laundry, and the others can help with the garden or mow the yard.
This
 division system can surely make doing housework feel much lighter.
Besides
, in the long term, when the mother and father are old,
bigger
Add an article
the bigger
a bigger
show examples
 nuclear family can possibly be a bigger help, since there are lots of people in charge of nursing the elderly matriarch and patriarch. The second issue is feeling-based, where the house would feel empty once the
kids
 grow up to be teenagers who mind their own business. Adolescent tends to be less dependent
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
parents
, so the living room would feel much emptier with
having less
Correct word choice
fewer
show examples
kids
 around.
However
, there are still ways to minimise the downside of having a small family. Initiating certain rules and regulations since the
children
 were little might help in
this
 case.
For example
, they are habituated to
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 homework together
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the living room
by
Change preposition
under
show examples
 the supervision of the
parents
 and
building
Wrong verb form
build
show examples
 a culture of family dinner/breakfast or
prohibit
Wrong verb form
prohibiting
show examples
 them
to eat
Change preposition
from eating
show examples
 meals in their own room. Other than that,
parents
 can
also
 try injecting meaningful doctrines gently
as well as
 showing that family is a priority. By giving examples to the
kids
 that family means a string that cannot be broken by anger, ego, or anything, and that the whole members are the top priority for each other, the small family can be a heaven and a wonderful asset for the future.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
Consider elaborating more on the problems associated with having fewer children, such as economic and social implications.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your solutions and problems discussed.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between paragraphs to improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear and logical introduction with a concise description of the issue.
coherence cohesion
There are strong main points discussed with adequate support related to the problems of having fewer children.
task achievement
The suggestion to minimize disadvantages is well thought out and plausible.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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