IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that children should be raised by all family members like grandparents, uncles and aunts and not just parents. Discuss both side and give your opinion?

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As a part of society, we tend to live with our family where we
born
Add a missing verb
are born
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 and brought up by our
parents
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 and family members. Some people think that family
member
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members
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 can contribute to
bring
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bringing
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 up the
children
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along with
Linking Words
 their
parents
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. In my opinion, for a
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
child's
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 upbringing
besides
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 his or her
parents
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 the relatives
also
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 play a vital role. There is a proverb which says, it takes a village to raise a
child
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. Without any doubt,
parents
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 are the most important factor in a
Use synonyms
children
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child's
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 upbringing.
Besides
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 if their relatives like
grand
Correct your spelling
grandparents
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parents
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, uncles and aunts can help the
parents
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 to raise them ,
then
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 sometimes the
parents
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also
Linking Words
 get some time for themselves. If the
parents
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 are
woriking
Correct your spelling
worrying
then
Linking Words
 they need to keep their
children
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 in the
day care
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daycare
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 or with
nanny
Add an article
the nanny
a nanny
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. But if
grand
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grandparents
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parents
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 live nearby
then
Linking Words
 they can take care of them in the absence of their
parents
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, which is obviously a better idea
keeping
Change preposition
than keeping
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 their
children
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 in other places. The
parents
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dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 have to worry about the food for the
children
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 as they are in the safe hands.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 the
children
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 will learn the
realtionship
Correct your spelling
relationship
 value and respect and social value will grow towards the family
memebers
Correct your spelling
members
, if they spend time with them. The elder's love and care will have an impact on them in the near future.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 they will learn how to respect the elder person.
On the other hand
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, some
drawback
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drawbacks
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 are there. If family members are toxic
then
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 there will be a problem. Because
children
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 will learn different
manner
Fix the agreement mistake
manners
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 which will not good for them in the future.
And as
Correct word choice
As
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 a
child
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, they always copy or follow
the
Change the word
their
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elder
Fix the agreement mistake
elders
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. In that
case
Add a comma
case,
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parents
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 are not comfortable
to keep
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keeping
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 their
children
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 with them.
Because every
Correct word choice
Every
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 parent has a dream that their
child
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 will be better as a person and they
dont
Correct your spelling
do not
 want any negative impact on their
child
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. In conclusion,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
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 a better idea to raise
children
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along with
Linking Words
 the relatives like
grand
Correct your spelling
grandparents
show examples
parents
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 and they need to check on them on a regular basis.

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task achievement
Try to provide more relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more engaging.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and transitions smoothly to the next. Use linking words and phrases to enhance cohesion.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your essay.
task achievement
The essay covers both sides of the argument, successfully addressing the task response criterion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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