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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #health #sports #facilities #effect #measures
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These days, obesity is a big matter that countries have;
as a result
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, a group of
people
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 believe the best way to improve public
health
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 is the build a range of sports centres
while
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 others think that these elements do not have an impact, and
governments
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 should find other ways. I subscribe to the second idea owing to the fact that when authorities want to have a healthy society, they have to change
people
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's diets and lifestyles. On the one hand, when the number of sports facilities in one region climbs, but inhabitants do not like to
use
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 them or exercise is not a section of their lives;
therefore
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, they do not
use
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this
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 equipment;
whereas
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, the
governments
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 spend a lot of money enhancing
people
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health
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.
In other words
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, the tools of one category are not important when the using of them is not common among the population.
On the other hand
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, if authorities invest money in the citizens' diet by reducing the cost of foodstuffs which have a lot of vitamins, proteins, calcium, and so on and increase the price of fat and convenient meals,
people
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 like to
use
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 more the cheapest items that have a positive influence on their
health
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.
In addition
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, it is crucial that
governments
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 change populations' negative habits to positive ones by advertising good lifestyles and doing various activities.
To sum up
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, in my opinion, sports facilities are a good choice for improving
people
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's
health
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 when the population want to
use
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 them;
nevertheless
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, it is essential that
governments
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 in the first step alter
people
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's bad habits and meals to have healthy communities.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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task achievement
Include more specific examples to support the arguments, such as data or studies related to public health improvements through sports facilities or dietary changes.
coherence cohesion
Focus on enhancing the transition between ideas to improve logical flow and linking words between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which succinctly address the topic and opinion.
task achievement
The task is addressed with both views discussed and a personal opinion given.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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