IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many museum across the world charge an entry fee from all visitors. Some people agree that entry to the museum should be free. To what extent do you agree or disagree???

#museum #world #charge #entry #fee #visitors #people
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In
this
 era, it is thought by some individuals that they should not have to
take
Verb problem
pay
show examples
enterance
Correct your spelling
entrance
 fees ,
whereas
 plenty of
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
 are taking money from all the visitors. I completely agree with the latter opinion and disagree with the first opinion. All the arguments shall be discussed in
below
Correct article usage
the below
show examples
 paragraphs.
To begin
 with, there are
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
show examples
 of reasons why they have to
charge
 everyone for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
entry.
Firstly
, if they
would
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not
taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 anything
for roaming
Change preposition
to roam
show examples
 around the museum, folks will get
disadvantage
Wrong verb form
disadvantaged
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it and there
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 be too much traffic.
Secondly
, if they will get free
entery
Correct your spelling
entry
, they will not respect public
facility
Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
show examples
.
For example
, they will throw litter everywhere.
Furthermore
,
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 is responsible for maintaining ancient things, if they
will
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not take any
charge
then
 anyone can enter
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the building.
For instance
, any mentally disturbed
men
Fix the agreement mistake
man
show examples
 can damage the things in the museum. To add to
this
, they
shuould
Correct your spelling
should
 have to take
charge
 but
as per
Change preposition
at
show examples
 everyone's convenience.
While
 some who counter argue that entry should be free, does mean that not
every
Change the determiner
everyone
each
show examples
 can afford tickets.
Such
 as, if anyone wants to visit the place but because they don't have enough money, they can not go there.
To conclude
,
according to
 my opinion, taking
charge
 is essential to alleviate the damage.
While
 others think that it will not be
benificial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for everyone who can not afford.
Submitted by Darshita@8612 on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. Instead of saying 'throw litter everywhere,' consider giving a real-life instance or statistical data if available.
task achievement
Clarify your main points in each paragraph, ensuring they directly support your argument. Some points are a bit vague and need further explanation.
coherence cohesion
Ensure logical flow between paragraphs and sentences. Some transitions between ideas could be smoother.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a comprehensive overview of the writer's opinion.
task achievement
The task is fully addressed, showing a clear stance on whether entry fees should be charged in museums.
task achievement
Relevant arguments are presented for both sides of the issue, contributing to a balanced perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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