IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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In modern society, exploring the
history
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 of
houses
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 or buildings has become common for the
owners
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. In my opinion,
this
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 growing trend is based on the needs of the estate market, the
owners
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 have to weigh the value of their estates in the market to predict the future transactional price when they need to sell the property.
Therefore
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,
people
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 may acquire the resources or documents from national offices. Generally speaking,(第一段Body para不需硬用) one of the major considerations for
house
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owners
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 to realize the
history
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 of buildings in-depth results in confirming if the
houses
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 have the additional condition to impact the value.
For instance
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, they may be curious about when the
house
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 was constructed and lived by whom, it would be especially precious if the building was built in the past century or even pushed back to the mid-century era,
then
Linking Words
 the building may have the qualification to list on ancient legacy and opened for tourists.
On the other hand
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, if the
house
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 has been lived by some contributed
people
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such
Linking Words
 as a well-known novelist or Nobel Prize owner, the
house
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 can be a potential place to be set up as a memorial museum, and the owner can gain the profit through giving bid to other buyers or officials.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 may access the documents of their
land
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 property from national offices.
Such
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 as searching the archival records in national libraries or acquiring(重複) the ownership certificate and historical
owners
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 (重複) from the
Land
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 Administrator Bureau. The national libraries usually archive the records of geographical
history
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,
such
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 as (重複) relocations, urban renewals, and
land
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 use changes in certain areas.
In addition
Linking Words
, the historical ownership and valid
land
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 use change can be found in the
Land
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 Administration Bureau. By combining these two documents’ access places, the
house
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 owner may fully understand the historical evolution of
this
Linking Words
house
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.
Overall
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, the central idea of capturing the historical shade of buildings for their
owners
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 is a crucial process for them to estimate the historical value and market location by digging into the ages and the previous
owners
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 of their
houses
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.
Moreover
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, national offices
such
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 as the Bureau of
Land
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 Administration and Libraries in the whole nation could be brilliant places for those
people
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 who are trying to get into the
history
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 of their
houses
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.
Submitted by yunhan322 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all sentences support the main point of the paragraph.
task achievement
Include more relevant examples to support your arguments.
task achievement
Make sure the essay addresses the specific question prompt and provides a complete response to it.
task achievement
The essay explores the value of house history in the context of real estate and property transactions.
task achievement
There are attempts to use specific sources for obtaining historical information about properties, adding credibility to the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with distinct paragraphs, each focusing on different aspects of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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