IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

As global trade increases, many goods including those we use on daily basis are produced in another country and have to be transported long distances . Do benefits of this trend outweigh disadvantages

6.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
With the increase in global
trade
Use synonyms
, many
goods
Use synonyms
, including everyday commodities, are manufactured overseas and have to be transported across considerable distances.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend has some undeniable drawbacks, I believe the advantages outweigh them because international
trade
Use synonyms
 gives consumers
access
Use synonyms
 to a wider range of
products
Use synonyms
, often at affordable prices, and allows
countries
Use synonyms
 to specialise in
goods
Use synonyms
 they can produce efficiently.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, international
trade
Use synonyms
 allows people to
access
Use synonyms
 a wider variety of
goods
Use synonyms
 and provides them with a wider range of choices. Consumers can purchase the
goods
Use synonyms
 that are not manufactured domestically, often at competitive prices. As
countries
Use synonyms
 can specialise in producing particular
goods
Use synonyms
 they can manufacture efficiently, these
products
Use synonyms
 can be transported to different
countries
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
countries
Use synonyms
 with an efficient electronics industry can export smartphones, computers, and laptops to other
countries
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, consumers can
access
Use synonyms
 a greater variety of electronics at different prices.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, transportation over long distances can
also
Linking Words
 contribute to severe environmental consequences and delays in the supply of
products
Use synonyms
. International
trade
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 cause serious damage to the environment by shipping
goods
Use synonyms
 over long distances.
For example
Linking Words
, aeroplanes, ships, and trains consume large amounts of fuel and produce greenhouse gas emissions, leading to global warming.
Additionally
Linking Words
, when transportation is disrupted by natural disasters, conflicts, or logistical problems, businesses may not receive their
products
Use synonyms
 on time, which can cause delays in the supply of
goods
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 international
trade
Use synonyms
 can contribute to environmental issues and delays, its benefits outweigh the disadvantages because it offers
access
Use synonyms
 to a wider range of
products
Use synonyms
 that are not manufactured domestically,
while
Linking Words
 allowing different nations to specialise in
goods
Use synonyms
 they can produce effectively.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
State your main view more directly in the first paragraph. Then make each body paragraph show clearly why the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Develop the key idea about lower prices more. Explain why goods made in a country with lower costs can help people, especially those with less money.
task response
Add a more direct comparison near the end. For example, say that the harm from travel is real, but the wider choice and lower cost help more people every day.
task response
Your examples fit the topic, but they could be more exact. The electronics example mainly shows wider choice; add how trade can make these goods cost less or be made better.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, two body parts, and ending. Keep this plan, but make the first body part focus on one main benefit at a time.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid saying the same point twice in close sentences. For example, the first body paragraph repeats the idea of a wider range of goods. Use the extra space to explain the result for people.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between cause and result. Words such as "because", "therefore", and "this means" can help the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
In the second body part, start with one clear main point about the bad side, then separate the environment point from the delay point with a short link.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give a clear view that the good points are stronger.
task response
Your main ideas are on topic: more choice, better use of what each country does well, harm to the earth, and possible delays.
task response
The examples of phones, computers, ships, planes, and supply problems help make your ideas easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear job, and the ending returns to your main view.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful links such as "On the one hand", "For example", "As a result", and "Additionally".
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow, and the reader can see the move from good points to bad points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • global trade
  • economic growth
  • specialization
  • efficient resource use
  • variety of products
  • consumers
  • accessibility
  • standard of living
  • economies of scale
  • carbon footprint
  • environmental damage
  • importation
  • quality standards
  • local industries
What to do next:
Look at other essays: