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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that online learning is more effective than traditional in-person classes, while others think that in-person classes are more beneficial.

There is an ongoing debate about the most effective method of learning among
students
Use synonyms
 .
While
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 some individuals believe that virtual learning provides better academic outcomes when compared to physical
classes
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 because
Change preposition
of
show examples
its flexibility and the ability of
students
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 to learn at their own pace, others think
otherwise
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. In my
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opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 in-person lecturers are more beneficial because youngsters are more focused and they can
also
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 benefit from instant feedback with
this
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 type of learning. On the one hand, some think that online learning is more effective because of the flexibility in location.
Students
Use synonyms
 can learn from their comfort zones
such
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 as their houses, cafes or libraries which fosters a faster rate of assimilation during learning.
For example
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,
in
Change preposition
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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research carried out among
students
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 of a particular institution showed that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of them preferred distance learning
than
Change preposition
to
show examples
 traditional
classes
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 because they
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 able to
grasps
Change the verb
grasp
show examples
 information faster in a more relaxed environment.
Additionally
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, electronic learning allows youngsters to learn concepts based on their capabilities with the provision of class recordings. Some
students
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 often find it difficult to follow the flow of some lectures because of the
lecturers
Change to a genitive case
lecturer's
lecturers'
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 pace but with a class
record
Add a comma
record,
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such
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individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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 can easily go back to understand vital information after the lecture.
However
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, I do not believe that these benefits
outweighs
Change the verb form
outweigh
show examples
 the drawbacks especially when
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
loose
Correct your spelling
lose
show examples
 focus during online
classes
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.
On the other hand
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 , people think that in-person
classes
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 are more advantageous because pupils concentrate better in school than when they learn from their comfort zones . When learning from home they can be distracted by
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 family or friends and
this
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 affects their learning.
Moreover
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,
students
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 are prone to
loosing
Replace the word
losing
show examples
 concentration
while
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 using their mobile phones or computers to listen to lectures because of messages prompts from their social media platforms.
For instance
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, a survey carried out among undergraduates to assess their attention span in
face-to- face
Correct your spelling
face-to-face
show examples
 or virtual
classes
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 showed that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of them concentrated better in traditional
classes
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 when compared to online lectures. In my
opinion
Use synonyms
, physical
classes
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 provide
students
Use synonyms
 the opportunity to ask questions and get responses immediately from their lecturers. Teachers are
also
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 able to assess class exercises and guide
students
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 on ways to tackle problems better in
face-to- face
Correct your spelling
face-to-face
show examples
 learning
thus
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, better results are gotten from
this
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 type of education. In my
opinion
Use synonyms
,
although
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 some people think that in-person education
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more beneficial than online learning because pupils can study in a preferred location where they can assimilate faster and can
also
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 learn based on their speed with
this
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 form of education. I am of the
opinion
Use synonyms
 that physical
classes
Use synonyms
 are more advantageous owing to the fact that teachers can respond to
Use synonyms
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
 questions immediately,
also
Linking Words
 majority of learners tend to focus better at school when compared to electronic learning.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your main points are clearly linked with appropriate connectors and reference words to enhance the logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetitive language; strive for varied expressions throughout the essay to make it more engaging.
task response
Maintain a consistent argument throughout; some points in the conclusion were a bit repetitive from the body paragraphs.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively sets up the debate by outlining both perspectives on online and traditional learning.
relevant specific examples
Relevantly mentioned studies and surveys to support your claims, which adds credibility to your arguments.
logical structure
Each paragraph deals with a distinct argument, effectively separating and clarifying different perspectives on the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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