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Writing Samples /
Band 1.5

The diagram details the process of making smoked fish.

#process #fish
The diagram specifics the stages are made smoked
fish
.
Overall
, the are 11 stages in the prosses, beginning with fishing and culminating in
fish
 shop sell.
Firstly
, people are fishing from the sea or river and put the
fish
 on boat,
then
 transfer it to the port. After
then
, place the
fish
 on freezer, and thaw it in fresh water to remove some of things not good
likewise
, bacteria. The next
stag
Correct your spelling
stage
show examples
 is cut open the
fish
 and throwing away the bad bowels from the
fish
. Next. The
fish
 putting in
bowl
Add an article
a bowl
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salt
Change preposition
of salt
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 water and yellow
coloring
Change the spelling
colouring
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.
And
Correct word choice
Then
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then
,
fish
Correct article usage
the fish
show examples
 will be
cooking
Wrong verb form
cooked
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 and
smoke
Wrong verb form
smoked
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 by
chimney
Add an article
the chimney
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 to transfer it after cook to cartoon and put
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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inside the freezer
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 0 *C,
then
putting
Wrong verb form
put
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 in
cold
Correct article usage
a cold
show examples
 store and
distribution
Replace the word
distributed
show examples
 by
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
truck. The end. The
fish
 will sell to people in fishshop.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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Grammar
There are some grammatical inaccuracies, such as using 'specifics' instead of 'specifies,' and 'stages are made smoked fish' instead of 'stages involved in making smoked fish.' Revise these errors for better understanding.
Coherence
Make sure to clarify transitions between stages. Some sentences could be combined for better readability, for example, 'After then, place the fish on freezer, and thaw it in fresh water...' could be more clear if reorganized.
Task Response
Try expanding on some steps for clarity. For instance, what happens during 'putting the fish in bowl salt water and yellow coloring'? Explain this further to help the reader understand.
Task Response
You've captured the overall sequence of processes from fishing to selling in the fish shop, which is clear and covers essential steps.
Coherence
The paragraphing aligns fairly well with different stages in the process, maintaining a clear delineation between the steps involved.
Coherence
The use of sequential markers like 'Firstly,' 'Next,' and 'The end' provide a framework for your description, helping to guide the reader through the process.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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