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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinino? What sort of punishments should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children.

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One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is about learning
a foreign
Correct the article-noun agreement
a foreign language
foreign languages
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languages
Use synonyms
. It is undeniable that learning
foreign
Add an article
a foreign
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 language has become an essential part of our life.
However
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, there is no absolute agreement on whether learning
foreign
Add an article
a foreign
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 language for
people
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 should be only
to
Change preposition
for
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work
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 or
travel
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. It is a common belief that learning foreign
languages
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 ​​is the only reason
people
Use synonyms
 want to
travel
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 or
work
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. As proof of
this
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, they point out that in the modern world,
people
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 who know foreign
languages
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 ​​
such
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 as English, Chinese and French move to these countries to take advantage of their opportunities, and do not remain in their homelands.
Moreover
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, they always compare the quality of life where it is more effective for them to live and develop.
This
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 can be explained by the fact that in developing countries everything is for the
people
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, their comfort and convenience.
As a result
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,
this
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 leads to the fact that learning foreign
languages
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 ​​is the main reason for moving for
work
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 and study.
On the other hand
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, some argue that learning foreign
languages
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 ​​is not only about
travel
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 or
work
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.
For example
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, they note that for self-development, some
people
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 study
languages
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 ​​on their own,
while
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 others, especially older
people
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, study foreign
languages
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 ​​to train their brains.
In addition
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, knowledge always benefits the individual who achieves his goal - the development of his country. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 would argue that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of
people
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 learn
foreign
Add an article
a foreign
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 language to
travel
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also
Correct word choice
and also
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work
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 in
Correct article usage
the devolepmet
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devolepmet
Correct your spelling
development
Change preposition
of countiers
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countiers
Correct your spelling
countries
counties
, which
greate
Correct your spelling
creates
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 and quality life for
future
Correct article usage
the future
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, not only their own and for
children's
Change noun form
children
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 too.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Strengthen the logical progression of your arguments by ensuring that each point smoothly transitions into the next.
Task Achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points, which will add more depth and clarity to your argument.
Task Achievement
Ensure your ideas are presented in a more comprehensive and coherent manner, particularly in explaining why people might learn a language for reasons other than work or travel.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the discussion effectively.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, which is an important aspect of task achievement.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • moral education
  • ethical behavior
  • positive reinforcement
  • punitive measures
  • psychological effects
  • emotional effects
  • discipline
  • cultural differences
  • societal approaches
  • instill
  • foundation
  • decision making
  • reinforcement
  • punishment
  • behavior
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