In most countries, prison is an effective solution for the problem of crime. Some people think a more effective solution is to provide a better education. To what extent do you agree or disagree？
Recently, the issue of measures for the
crime
has become the subject of heated debate. Some people assert that offering education
is a better way to tackle the crime
, while
others argue otherwise
. Personally, I believe both views should be given equal weight. In the following essay, the evidence alongside this
contention will be discussed including the relevant examples.
On the one hand, it seems difficult to refute the idea that a prison
law lowers the criminal rates by preventing people from involving in crime
. Perhaps the most principal advantage is that the criminals are isolated far from general society for several years, making them not to repeat the crime
. Another grave issue among this
issue is that a
severe punishment Correct article usage
apply
such
as prison
, being
isolated from social Correct word choice
and being
area
, discourage individuals Fix the agreement mistake
areas
to engage
in Change preposition
from engaging
crime
. To exemplify, a number of people have some kinds of fear about prison
. For these reasons, there seem
to be a solid basis for several Change the verb form
seems
of
arguments in Change preposition
apply
favor
of the Change the spelling
favour
prison
.
On the other hand
, however
, it does seem to be short-sighted to contend that education
merely brings with its negatives. The most oft-cited argument is that education
would be a fundamental measure to prevent crime
. If students are instilled with the harmful of the crime
, they will likely do so far even when they’re grown up. Seoul National University has demonstrated that if education
such
as campaign about crime
were introduced as compulsory education
courses, the criminal rates are anticipated to decreased by 35%, which was a significant change. Another convincing reason is that less tax money is needed in the case of education
. In the light of the above, I also
find these persuasive.
In conclusion, it is undeniable that there are various opinions about this
topic. However
, after considering this
matter in a careful manner, it can be concluded that each side has its strengths, as discussed above.Submitted by zizi03199 on
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Structure
The introduction and conclusion are present and fairly balanced, but make sure to develop more distinct paragraphs for clearer argument separation.
Clarity
Your ideas are mostly clear and your position is addressed. Strengthen your argument by expanding on specific examples and linking back to your main point more often.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your examples directly support the point you are making. It will solidify your argument and show a stronger understanding of the topic.
Cohesion
Try to transition smoothly between ideas and paragraphs to help the reader follow your argument without confusion.
Positive
The essay addresses both perspectives of the issue, giving balanced weight to each view, which shows good evaluative skills.
Structure
Logical progression is maintained throughout most parts of the essay, indicating good planning and structure.
Task Achievement
Utilization of examples in discussing the advantages of education in crime prevention effectively demonstrates the point, though could be expanded.
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