IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays more people are choosing to live with friends or alone rather than with their families. This trend is likely to have a negative impact on communities

Urbanization
Change the spelling
Urbanisation
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 and modern
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 have presented
people
Use synonyms
 with a number of challenges and decisions.
However
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, the number
one
Use synonyms
 challenge is related to providing accommodation for citizens.
While
Linking Words
 some opine that the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 tend to live alone or with their friends, leading to many serious problems in societies, in my view,
although
Linking Words
 living with the family plays a crucial role in the well-being of the community, living independently goes a long way in improving personal growth. On the
one
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 hand, the fact that parents are important in the lives of their
children
Use synonyms
 is obvious to all. They usually act as a role model for their kids. They have been experiencing many astonishing and dismal moments in all chapters of their lives.
Therefore
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, they are full of experience to guide their
children
Use synonyms
 to shape their future much better.
As a result
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, if they are deprived of living with
such
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 knowledgeable individuals, which not only does not have the chance of receiving wonderfully effective advice to develop a better life in the years to come, but it
also
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 increases the possibility of depression among them
due to
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 a lack of strong social bonds.
On the other hand
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, living alone does not necessarily come with a lot of disadvantages. To clarify, in
this
Linking Words
 modern era,
people
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got
Verb problem
have got
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 used to having
one
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 child.
This
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 causes a great tendency among the new generation to live with their lovely friends. Aside from creating a great opportunity to have quality time beside those who are like-minded with them,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
also
Linking Words
 allows them to learn how to make an independent life.
Moreover
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, these
children
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 are more likely to tolerate difficulties easily in their adulthood, since they have learnt from the earliest years of their lives to count on themselves,
instead
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 of relying on other
people
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. In conclusion, no
one
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 dares to deny the importance of living together to have a better society. I believe allowing
children
Use synonyms
 to find their own path is too important to be ignored.

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task response
State your view in the first paragraph and keep a clear plan. For Task Response, answer the question well, give one main idea per paragraph, and add a short example to back it up.
coherence
Use clear links between ideas. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence, and use words like 'however', 'also', 'for example', and 'therefore' to connect ideas. For Coherence and Cohesion, keep ideas in a logical order and end with a short conclusion.
content
The essay tries to cover both sides and shows some growth in ideas.
structure
There is a basic structure with introduction, body and conclusion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Erosion
  • Communal cohesion
  • Geographical dispersion
  • Interpersonal relationships
  • Socio-economic factors
  • Real estate dynamics
  • Psychological well-being
  • Technological facilitation
  • Independence
  • Traditional vs modern lifestyles
  • Intergenerational relationships
  • Virtual communities
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