Today, many young people spend too much of their free time at shopping malls. This can be considered negative for young people and society generally. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Nowadays, certain groups of
people
waste their valueable
Correct your spelling
valuable
time
at big brand showrooms. It is believed to have drastic
effect Correct article usage
a drastic
for
Change preposition
on
younsters
and Correct your spelling
youngsters
community
generally. Personally, I agree with the Correct article usage
the community
give
viewpoint and the following paragraphs shall outline my reason for Change the verb form
given
this
belief.
First and foremost, it is evident that children are visiting
shopping Wrong verb form
visit
centers
in their leisure Change the spelling
centres
time
. Many young people
likes
to play video games on mobile phones. Change the verb form
like
On
most Change preposition
In
shopes
, Correct your spelling
shoppes
shops
shopkeeper
Fix the agreement mistake
shopkeepers
has displayed
demo Wrong verb form
display
phone
for Fix the agreement mistake
phones
public
to give Add an article
the public
demonstration
of Add an article
a demonstration
product
, these individuals install video games on demo phones and waste hours. Add an article
the product
a product
Additionally
, retail stores has
to suffer a loss in their sales which Change the verb form
have
Add a missing verb
is intially
intially
supposed to be a profit. Correct your spelling
initially
For example
, people
do not intent
to enter Replace the word
intend
in
Change preposition
apply
a crowded stores
.
Correct the article-noun agreement
a crowded store
crowded stores
Moreover
, these juveniles has
a pessimistic effect on individual personality and society as well. Change the verb form
have
Firstly
, young people
should go to play ground
in their free Correct your spelling
playground
time
because excercise
helps Correct your spelling
exercise
to
stay healthy and fit. Correct pronoun usage
them to
Secondly
, these persons
are very immature to understand social values. Replace the word
people
For instance
, when younger groups of students are visiting shopping centres they have zero sense of awareness of their body language and tone of speach
in public areas. Correct your spelling
speech
This
cause
social distress in public centers and arenas.
Change the verb form
causes
To conclude
, many youngsters are visiting shopping centers
in their vacant Change the spelling
centres
time
causeing
Correct your spelling
causing
loss
of sales for retail stores. Correct article usage
a loss
In addition
, these children have no respect of
social Change preposition
for
boundries
and effecting their individual identity in Correct your spelling
boundaries
the
society.Correct article usage
apply
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task achievement
Try to develop your ideas further for better clarity, such as explaining why young people choose malls over other activities.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your main idea and explain connections between ideas for stronger coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that frames the discussion.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples like the impact on retail stores and the lack of awareness among youth.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
