IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages? Transactions are trackable convenient if no cash available

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Nowadays, In many countries, most of the users tend to use online payment applications to purchase every small thing and try to build a cashless society.
This
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 essay will discuss both the security features and risks of using these paid apps. On the one hand, By using these online programs we can save time without waiting for the shopkeeper to give us change or
in other words
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 leftover money with the help of these easy transactions.
Moreover
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, there are more security features of paying online because they provide us with trackable payments, encrypting the data, and two-step authentication.
For example
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, In Manchester ,
according to
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 a survey in 2024, it was found that many people across the world are using these online payments, considering them safe and secure.
Conversely
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, there are some drawbacks to using
this
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 method.
Firstly
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, they are network-dependable if there is no network in the area, they cannot work well and should face some struggles.
secondly
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, there are security risks in transferring online most websites and apps are fake these days and there can be problems like phishing, hacking and cracking.
Hence
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,
this
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 is considered as a problem.
For instance
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, in California, a survey conducted in 2021 revealed that it is better to carry cash
instead
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 of searching for another way when you are travelling to a non-network area.
To sum up
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, In my opinion, the benefits and drawbacks are equally weighted of using UPI apps it is better to use them when there is a good network and sometimes we should
also
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 carry cash to avoid those misconceptions.

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a smooth flow of ideas by using linking devices and clear paragraphing throughout your essay.
task achievement
Provide a more detailed elaboration of your main ideas to achieve greater clarity and depth.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages of mobile payment apps, showcasing a clear understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a good summary of the essay's main points.
coherence cohesion
Key points are generally well-supported and explained, which adds to the overall coherence of the essay.
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